Ben

[Gemini]

I hope you have a lovely time on Saturday Zizi xx

[WeeGranny]

Hope you all have a wonderful day....you deserve it!xx

[ZIZI]

There was something on the local news just a few minutes ago about a child with a heart problem who was under GOSH and ended up in Watford hospital as an emergency measure and now has brain damage because the treatment wasn't right and I have been in tears looking at the poor child. The mother said that the hospital did not listen to her and she knows exactly what his problems were and if they had listened he wouldn't be as he is now. We had the same thing with Ben when he was taken to Kingston Hospital, my son was pleading with them to listen to him, "IT IS NOT CROUP, PLEASE LISTEN TO ME". He had the GOSH doctors on the mobile but the Kingston doctors would not listen or speak to the GOSH doctors because they had made a decision and they had to be right.

So glad Ben is on the "special register" now. I am sorry I have got myself all upset so will pop off and have a little weep, take a few deep breaths, glass of wine and then I will be alright.

[Gemini]

((((((Zizi))))))

[ZIZI]

We had the children toda. All went according to plan re meeting at the station. Joe and Sadie were definitely staying over and Ben was invited but was unsure. If you remember last time he had a sleepover he got very upset. With mummy I sat with him and said he could make a decision later, he could sleep in the bunk with Joe or he could sleep with granddad or he could sleep in the fold up bed (which we retrieved from storage this morning). He would make the decision on the way home and we would let parents know either way.

We had a good day, I told them on the train going there we were going to a special restaurant I found where we could have a lovely egg salad and a nice cup of tea, they weren't impressed. How happy they were then to be taken to McDonalds (I honestly cannot tell you how much I hate that
place). Ben wanted to play on "the mountain" which is the grass hill between the Windsor Castle walls and pavement by the road. We said we had to go and check where the bus stop was and then they could play for ten minutes. We went to the bus stop and there were loads of people there thank goodness we booked in advance. Lots of people hadn't and didn't get on. Plant you would not have managed the steps up the seating area so god job you didn't come.

Now the reason for this beng in YEO - Ben was OK, just normal Ben, for most of the day but when the Duck bus arrived he started to worry a lot. It was big, what if it sank, what about what is in the water. He wouldn't sit next to Joe and wanted to sit next to me and often turned to make sure I was there or grabbed my hand even though most of the journey was on the road. His daddy has a small cruiser and they often go on the Thames so I pointed out that it was the same river he usually goes on just not the same place, once we had splashed in the water (which he was holding onto me tightly for but I am convinced he did enjoy) he relaxed a bit and moved to sit next to Joe who let him have the window seat.

After the duck boat ride the asked to go back to "the mountain" so we let them have ten minutes rolling down the hill getting filthy. On the way back to the station Joe asked Ben if he was going to have a sleepover but Ben was adamant he wouldn't. Joe got quite upset, even a bit sulky, but I told him that we had to let Ben make his own decisions. As agreed with mummy I phoned her when we were near our station and said Ben wouldn't stay but we had an agreement that, because the queue was long for ice cream, we would go back to ours for ice cream and sprinkles and then he could be picked up. I explained how nervous Ben had been and she told me that since he knew he had to the hospital earlier this week he has been very anxious about a number of things including being very upset when a supply teacher was in his class for just one day.

We did what we said and came for copious amounts of ice cream and goodness knows how many sprinkles and Ben got collected. Joe went very quiet and I gave him a cuddle and asked if he was OK. He wanted to know if Ben not wanting to stay was his fault. I asked why it would be his fault and he responded that he knew he was much bigger than Ben and much stronger and may be Ben was scared of him. Oh dear. What do ou say to a ten year old in those circumstances?

I decided to tell him the truth and explained anxiety, and of course Joe knows about Ben's illness but possibly not in as much details as we do of course. I explained how he got a bit scared because he goes to hospital to be made better but sometimes it isn't nice so he really doesn't want to be away from home and his mummy and daddy for a while but it is good that he goes to hospital because they are going to help make him better. so when Joe said "well it isn't working is it if it makes Ben scared of stuff ?" I wasn't quite sure how to handle it BUT I did. The important thing was to ensure Joe did not blame himself for Ben not sleeping over.

Joe wanted to watch the rugby so he is in our room with Granddad, now there is a man, hates rugby & sport but is watching live rugby with his grandson! Sadie had a story "the singing Mermaid" and is now blissfully asleep. grandma is about to have a gin and tonic because I think I have earned it........

[Plantaholic]

Sounds quite scary to me too. Poor Joe thinking it was his fault Ben didn't want to stay, I can quite understand he wants the reassurance of being with his parents. Well done Grandma and Grandad. Shame England lost the Rugby match

[Oma]

Poor Jo but it sounds a good day , Understandable Ben didn't want to stay it's a scary time for him at the moment , Josh who is a very confident little boy can sometimes be a bit anxious sleeping out . He loves to sleep at ours but not as keen to stop at his Grans and won't have a sleepover at friends , he was at a birthday party yesterday and it was a sleepover but DD had to pick him up at 9pm he's the same about friends staying over with him only rarely will he ask anyone to stay . Children like adults are very complex arnt they , but poor Ben has extra worries

[Gemini]

Zizi, it sounds as though you handled the situation well. The children all enjoyed their day (McDonalds and ice cream and sprinkles back at Grans, who wouldn't??!! )
It is no wonder that Ben feel s anxious about things given al the procedures and treatments he has had to have. Poor Joe thinking it was his fault! I'm sure you put his mind at rest.

[Shemadee]

Must have been exhausting for you! Glad you all had a lovely day out and you found your way through what must have seemed like a verbal field full of land mines.

[Daisy]

Zizi, you handled the whole week-end brilliantly. So many people never realise what impact it has on other children in the family when one of them is poorly or has other problems. I think Joe was very sensitive to Ben's worries and showed great maturity. Poor Ben, it's hard for him - now he understands more about hospitals and the various procedures he must be feeling very uncertain. I'm sure he will come through this and be able to let go of some of his anxieties, but in the meantime, you are all doing all you can to reassure him and build up his confidence. xx

[grannyjules]

Well I've been in tears catching up with all of Ben's and your adventures, for want of the right word. So glad it had a happy ending, with the Duck ride.
Hoping for good results, and good out comes. xx