Raising a gender neutral child

[Daisy]

Avo - I would worry about bullying as well.

One of the biggest fears many children have is not fitting in, being different and feeling like an outsider.

[Gemini]

An update - over 4 years down the line.
You will need to go to the top of the page to read the original post to remind yourselves I expect.

The child, B, is still in GS2's class at school and is in his circle of close friends.
For some time B was They/Them. Then for some time until very recently B was She. Over time I have noticed far less of any feminine signs in B, they seem like a boy with longer hair.

Yesterday GS2 told me B is now He!

When referring to B later GS said She, then said 'It's confusing because he was she for so long.'


Let's hope this child now 8 years old, can just continue as boy.

[Daisy]

Gem, it's interesting to have an update. The poor child must have gone through a lot of anxiety around all this confusion. But if he is now settling into being 'he' let's hope his parents are fully accepting of this, and he can grow, develop and mature as he wishes.

Incidentally, I know of someone who recently gave birth to a premature baby. The hospital were unable to tell initially if the baby was male or female - the scans had said "male" but because (I guess) of birth traumas it wasn't clear. Their grandparents were so upset and worried and didn't tell people the babe had arrived until they knew for certain that they had the most beautiful baby grandson. There will be no confusion about how that baby will be brought up!

[Gemini]

B has for some time now been GS2's best friend. The two families get along well. B is now always referred to as he.
GS2 look a very conventional little boy with short hair and preferring plain clothes with no logos. B has the very long blond hair usually in a French plaits style , and mor eexotic clothes. In all other ways he is a typical boy and in fact my GS is the quieter and more artistic of the two.
The friendship works though

[Daisy]

Gem, that's the miracle of friendships - they often work between people who on the face of it seem to have little in common. Boys having long hair seems to be a fashion that comes and goes. I hope the friendship works for both of them for a long time to come.

My DS2 and GD1 were going somewhere recently and someone mistook GD1 for a boy - she has short hair, with undercuts like all her friends, and is very slim. She favours very casual styles mostly Goth, and I can understand the confusion. It doesn't bother her in the slightest, fortunately.

[Gemini]

That's good that it doesn't bother your GD, daisy.

GS1 doesn't mind at all that people think he is a girl. When he's out with him mum (who he is taller than) they are both fairly amused that people often address the par as Ladies
GS3 recently expressed surprise when his mum mentioned his boy cousins E and T. 'E is a boy?' he asked in surprise . None of us realised he thought E was a girl cousin!

[Daisy]

Gem, that made me smile.

When GS1 was a pre-schooler he went to a special nursery school for ASD children. They taught him about making eye contact, social skills, like saying goodbye when someone was leaving, and 'reading faces' to understand who was who. I was taking him and his baby brother to the park one day, and he told me about understanding relationships. So, he explained Mummy is a girl, Grandad is a boy etc. So I asked him what GS2 (name) was. His reply was instant - "he's a brother, of course". .

I love how little ones just accept other people as they see them.

[Sum1Ls]

Heartbreaking. As everyone else has said this child’s sex (not gender) is what is immutable.

Whilst I have always thought and indeed know, that gender rôles are those which have been imposed by a patriarchal society, and have campaigned against them all my life, pretending that a girl is a boy, or boy is a girl, is deeply concerning and will lead to deep confusion in the future.

for many centuries women couldn’t vote because men said our brains were too simple to understand. We weren’t allowed to wear trousers for work because men said they weren’t ladylike. Boys and men who likes the arts such as dance or couture were laughed and scorned because it wasn’t manly.

It often also was a cover for horrible prejudice about gay men and lesbian women.

It doesn’t matter twopence if a girl wants to mend Landrovers (as the late Queen did as a girl) or climb trees or play rugby. She’s still a girl.

Likewise if a boy wants be a dancer or a fashion designer or teach in a Nursery school it doesn’t make him a woman or a girl.

These gender stereotypes are confining and limiting.

But nothing can change sex.

Happily, since the Supreme Court Court judgement, a lot of the nonsense is now muted and I most sincerely hope that the appalling practice of some Drs (such as at the Tavistock before they were stopped) will put an end to dreadful surgery where healthy breasts were cut off, genitals disfigured and the chance of a happy and satisfying sex life, destroyed for ever.

I’m afraid there are always a few attention seeking and manipulative parents who will use their children as pawns in the service of their own egos.

As for the teaching staff ‘having’ to refer to the children as ‘they’ that’s a nonsense. There have been a number of court cases and clear judgements which affirm the right of anyone to use their children correct pronoun to refer to a person’s sex.

And also of course forbidding boys and men to use use girls and women’s toilets.

I hope the Headteacher is aware of this.