Care Home or Home Care?

[Nana]

Many many congratulations Aggie. Sorry I missed your Golden Wedding day. You still sound very much in love.💜

[aggie]

Not sure if it is love or a habit lol

[Daisy]

Not sure if it is love or a habit lol

Aggie - that's an interesting thought. We love what we are familiar and comfortable with, which might be different from the heady days of youthful romance, but is still love. I hope you have many more anniversaries to celebrate.

[Skye]

Congratulations on your Golden Wedding anniversary Aggie! Glad you can have your OH home too, there's no place like home.... xx

[Clover]

Aggie I'm glad your OH is back home with you. You will both be a lot happier and it sounds as if your carers are good and reliable.
Belated congratulations on your Golden Anniversary.xx

[Nanto2girls]

So pleased you have got your Jim home Aggie, and that he is more alert.

Belated

[mamma-mia]

Belated congratulations to you both Aggie and Jim. xxxx

[aggie]

Thank you all for your kindness xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Nana]

Personally I feel there's a huge difference between Skye's situation & Aggie's, as I'm sure most of you will too. It would be a no -brainer for me if it were my husband. I would do the same as Aggie.."in sickness & in health". On the other hand it's Skye's MIL....A totally different relationship.

What is clear to me is that my friends on here are the most loving & caring women I've ever had the privilege to know. 💜💜

[Shemadee]

What a lovely thing to say Nana!

One of my friends has made her daughter promise never to let her go in to a home - which I think is truly appalling! Interestingly my friend did not invite her own Mum to live with her at any stage.

My Granny lived with us for some years and it really drained my Mum and undermined her health. When she became incontinent (Granny that is, not my Mum!) she went in to a home (actually a convent as she was a very devout RC) where she was very well looked after. As long as you do your best to ensure that the home is of a good standard and that you will visit regularly it will be better all round for your MIL to have professional care and for her not too feel guilty about disrupting your lives. Sure between you you will make the right decision. xx

[aggie]

I looked after my MIL till she died in hospital after a fall in the night in our house , I still feel guilty that it happened but I know I did the right thing , she was 93 and her Daughter couldn't cope

[Daisy]

It's very difficult to know what to do for the best. My mother lived with us for many years, but then chose to go into sheltered accommodation when we moved somewhere (with OH's job) that she didn't like. But when she was taken ill she came to live with us again after being discharged from hospital. I was working full time and she was very frail. It was incredibly hard trying to do a demanding job, care for my mum and look after the family. I couldn't have done it indefinitely, and I was lucky to have neighbours who would call in at lunch-time if I couldn't get home to give her lunch.

When MIL had a stroke, I knew I couldn't care for her, much as I loved her. It would have meant uprooting her from her friends and the rest of a sizeable family to move down south, she was tall and far too heavy for me to lift and needed quite a lot of care. We couldn't have met her need for company, social contact or anything. I felt very guilty, especially as I had looked after my own mother.

[Libra Gran]

Its always a difficult decision to make for a family member,I remember Mum getting more and more "at risk" living alone in her sheltered housing flat.I love my sister's dearly but it felt as though the final decision was left to me I kept hearing oh well you work in that sector you know more than us Different though when it's your own Mother, I had all her care arranged and put in place,but even that after a while wasn't enough,it's always the in between times you worry about. I always laugh when I remember I got SS to install a bath lift, OMG did she bring the roof down when I lowered her into the water,I had to go outside an assure her elderly neighbours I wasn't trying to murder her only give her a bath When she finally went into the home,she soon settled and we made her room extra special for her. But most of all we could all relax and know there was someone on hand 24/7 and she was safe.

[Mimi]

This is a difficult decision and each situation can be different.
When I was a child my nan lived with us. Luckily we lived in a big 4 bed house with a small room in the front where nan 'lived' and the rest of the family had the room at the back for the rest of us. Mum looked after nan, even after nan had ,had two strokes. We loved having our nan living with us, she was lovely but as a child I had no idea if the hard work it must have been for my poor mum. With 4 children and the running of a house, topped with her part time job the strain must have been enormous but it wasn't the norm for care homes then. Would things be different if it were now? I doubt it. But I believe mums health suffered . It is possible to take on too much.
I know that if / when my time comes that I can't look after myself I would hate for my children to be faced with this dilemma.
My DD has joked that she will put me on the local service bus and I can ride around on there all day and she will collect me at the end of the day. DS has told me he will pop in with a flask of tea. Kids, don't you just love them !

[Plantaholic]

Very difficult decisions have to be made when parents health is failing. My Nan lived with us Mimi for a number of years but it eventually got too much for my mother so she had to go into a care home. My mother-in-law lived in an annex attached to our home and she managed to look after herself with home helps and dinners from us until she was 90 but she was then very ill and had to go into a hospital and died there. Worrying thing is that I am fast approaching old age.