Death of x Husband

[Glammanana]

There is no talking to her WeeGranny she has never communicated with DD in a pleasent manner at all,I used to think at first many years ago that she would treat my DD like the child she never had but was very wrong,
she has never had a good word to say about my DD and she is such a hard working girl and an excellent mum to the children,my hubby thinks wife may need help coping with what has happened maybe via her Doctor
as he says she has lost her husband and is trying to cope the best way she can I do honestly feel for her but she is not making life easy for DD who is my utmost responsibility in all of this.There has been no date set for a service as yet as Inquest was only arranged yesterday and we are still trying to find out the outcome of that as we are not being kept up to date with any arrangements.

[Shemadee]

Hard to imagine how someone can be so vindictive even whilst grieving - step relationships can be extremely tricky - my SM never had a good word to say about any of my brothers though apparently she held back from criticizing me as my Dad wouldn't have stood for it. All you can do is try to support your daughter and hope that you can get through this without any more grief being added unnecessarily. Such a shame and so unnecessary.

[Daisy]

Glam, it sounds to me as though his widow is trying to create a picture of a close, grieving family bearing up under the loss of the head of the family or something like that. It's not realistic to expect your GSs to be pall bearers when 3 of them weren't close to their grandfather. But of course, they are old enough to decide for themselves and as long as they know that they can say 'no' if they don't want to do it, I'd leave it at that. Once the funeral is over you can hopefully put all this behind you and get back to normal.

I would just try and ignore the photo issue - it sounds rather sad and petty.

I hope your DD can stay calm through it all. It will soon be over and whatever she does won't be right for this woman.

[Glammanana]

Thanks for all the kind comments and opinions they are very welcome,we (my DD & I & my hubby) have come to the decision not to attend the service as wife has put on FaceBook (how awful) that under no circumstances is DD or any of her Fathers previous family (ie my brother & sisters who where his in-laws) to attend to pay their respects so the decision has been made for us,I have suggested DD take some flowers to the garden of rememberance in a couple of weeks time that seems the most simple thing to do. I am certainly keeping my mouth firmly closed on the subject now as I can feel the blood slowly boiling over.

[Plantaholic]

Wow, what a dreadful thing to do, the least you have to do with that person the better. I wonder what she would do if you all turned up in force. It is your DD I feel so sorry for, can she really say his daughter cannot go to her father's funeral.

[Glammanana]

Plant, my DD does not want any uncalled for arguments in front of her sons regarding what has happened and I agree she should keep her dignity and abide by this womans request,I'm sure the question will be asked when the service is over as to why my DD is not present as many of her fathers friends and work colleagues know of her existence even though they didn't know her as such.

[Jane Jackson]

Glam, I have just read this, firstly I am sorry for the loss you are all having to face, whatever the situation it is still your loss. All I can say is that my father died at the age of 94, he had been married to my Mum for over 30 years and then one morning walked in to my bedroom and said I am leaving your Mother, I had very little contact with him in the 15 years that past until Mum died, and then I tried to build bridges, not very successfully. His 'new' wife, phoned me to say he had died a week after the event. I had to get permission from her to go and say my goodbyes, and at the funeral my brother, my family and his family where completely airbrushed out of his life, we were not mentioned. In fact, someone asked me who I was, and didn't even know I existed. So, as with all these relationships it is very hard to know what to do. I think your suggestion to just go quietly to the garden of remembrance later is a good idea, and maybe you can mark the time of the funeral in some way.

[Glammanana]

Thanks Jane I feel so sorry for my DD that she will not even get a mention during the service,all I'm hoping is that none of the relatives think she is purposely being disrespectful by not attending.We are settled Jane on going to the garden of remembrance a week or so later,she has decided to put a notice in local paper portraying her respect and fond memories because as she says things where not always difficult.

[Gemini]

Such a sad sutuation Glamma. I think your daughter is doing the best thing, with the notice in the paper and visiting the garden of remembrance. I can understand how sorry you must feel for her xx