Types of parenting.

[Nana]

I just came across this on Fbk & it led to a discussion between OH & I. It was shared by one of our Grans.

I like to think that I'm fair but believe in bounderies. In my opinion it helps to make the child feel safe & secure. I wouldn't say to a child they are embarrassing me. I follow what my DDs ask but this chart is so unnatural to me. I would have to stop my flow of speech to refigure what I was going to say then that minute has gone.

I don't shout at my GC but I do tell them what is acceptable/or not at our house. I know the emphasis now is on the positive & not negative behaviour & response to it. Just why has it all gone so far? You can't use the words "naughty", "right" or "wrong" for example. I do strongly believe in praise but I now begin to wonder if it's gotten too far over balanced.

It began 7yrs ago with my 1st GC. "Kind hands" was used instead of something like "please don't do that it hurts". Then it was followed by "we use kind hands because.....", even I lost interest. This was used to explain to a toddler. Consequently both siblings are continously at each others throats (literally).

I believe that too many choices were given far too soon. Now the eldest thinks he's the adult & Mummy lets him. When I asked DD where we should go for lunch...."oh ask E, he'll choose" (that's the 7yr old).

I know it sounds as tho I'm having a rant but I'm not. I'm just wondering how you all have adapted to your children's choice of modern day parenting.

[Oma]

No to all im afraid , im a believer in boundrie's
It did my children no harm knowing what was right and wrong and how far they could stretch me and it did my Grandsons no harm when we had them ,
Some may disagree but that's what I think , give them too much pampering and you making a rod for your own back in the future ,
This is why we have so many youngsters thinking they can do what they want and be as anti social as they can and get no come back ,
I think I may be old fashioned in my views but no way would a child dictate when and what we did ,

[Grauntie Mag]

Me neither Nana and Oma. . Children need to know what is acceptable and what is not and who is the responsible adult. This wishy washy approach doesn’t do anyone any favours.
GD1 had a teacher who used this way and all children in that class fell behind. No authority, no respect.
I am prepared to discuss but my word is final, but what happens here does usually stay here. Luckily both DDs are of the same mind as regards child rearing so generally we don’t have a problem.

[Qwerty]

I have to admit to taking my children when they were little to a quiet corner just so I could really have a go at them, I also use since the twins have come along sharing is caring it seems to work, but everything else on that list I don't believe in

[Nanto2girls]

Well that chart certainly isn't my way of thinking.
Boundries never did any harm to our kids or the grandchildren.

[Enfys]

There certainly need to be boundaries. I think it has gone too far the other way. We have seen this with our own GS the youngest one in Australia. Right from the word go he was pandered to and never told “no”. The result is, much as I love him, he can be a pain in the proverbial, which is such a shame as he can be a loving child too. The difference between him and our two other older GC is very marked. DD and her OH set rules and the children were expected to abide by them and we followed their example when they were with us. They are now two very well mannered, respectful young adults, with lovely personalities...I may be biased but other people say the same. I know which way I would choose to bring up children, they can still have fun and learn to,express themselves.

[Daisy]

I think children grow up happier and more secure with sensible barriers and guidance. They haven't got all the answers (I know we haven't either, but we've got years of experience to draw on!) and I think it's expecting too much of them to leave them to make their own decisions - it's a kind of abdication of parenthood. On the other hand, they do need to learn independence in areas that they can manage. So choosing what to wear is one thing, deciding their own bedtime is quite different!!!

[Nana]

I'm glad it's not just me. Thanks for your opinions👍
Qwerty, when DD2 asked her boy "What is Caring?"when he wouldn't share. He knew fine well the answer. His reply " Nothing". Little begger.😉

[Oma]

When mine were small we taught them how to share and care for others without all this softly softly stuff ,
I watched something similar once on TV where this woman was saying stuff like they learn by their own mistakes ,
Well yes we all do but no use saying to a child go ahead shove your head in that gap see what happens or stick your finger in that socket ,because we don't want to scar them for life by saying No
There lies the problem now no one tells them NO

[Enfys]

Daisy, your comment about choosing what to wear reminded me of something, When GD was about 3 she wanted to choose her clothes for the day...so,she chose.....a party dress someone had passed on to DD for her, very frilly, a pair of her Mums leg warmers, a tiny baby cardigan that she had outgrown and the finishing touch, a pair of frilly kinickers ..on her head! I have a photo somewhere, had forgotten about that 😃

[Plantaholic]

It is a long time since I had anything to do with bringing up children but this softly softly approach wasn't practised when mine were small. I did have quite a lot to do with looking after my sons boys, they didn't get on and no amount of pointing out to them that they should be kind and share changed anything, they still don't get on. I always felt like a referee and still do. Whereas my DD's children are all good friends and care for each other.

I expect your GD thought she looked great.

[Nana]

Enfys what a super image that conjures up.😂

[Daisy]

Enfys - if you find the photo I'm sure we'd all love to see it. I bet she was delighted with each choice.

The girls generally choose what they wear each day at week-ends and holidays. They both have a good eye for putting an outfit together, and GD2 is starting to realise that woolly tights and a warm jumper aren't great in the summer, nor are shorts and t-shirt in the depths of winter.

[Gemini]

GS2, only 2, is oblivious to what he wears, although is pleased if he sees it is a T shirt with a dinosaur or digger on
GS1, at 5 favours pyjamas or nothing. I expect to see him heading for the nudist beaches when he is older He really doesn't mind what he wears.
GD, 8, has very specific dress conditions. No pink, no frills, no dresses, no unicorns..... !

[Oma]

GS1 is very trendy it has to be just so , although once he gets into ours he strips to his boxers and its hard to get him to get dressed after his shower on a morning ,
GS2 isn't bothered about what he wears at all they just clothes to him ,
GD is a girly girls all pink Purple and bows