Christmas

[ZIZI]

All of mine are away in Florida this Christmas. I know it is probably irrational but I am hurt by the fact that they didn’t say anything until it was arranged and also that dils parents are going as well. We would not be able to go as husband is only off Christmas Day and Boxing Day. I haven’t said anything to them about my feelings. They have said no Christmas Eve Boxes which I love doing but I can understand with luggage etc. So I have bought a few things for Christmas Eve bags: An iTunes voucher, chocolate money, battery toothbrush, bouncy ball, silly pen and of course new PJs. Hopefully they will Skype or face time us on Christmas Day.

Until late last week husband was going going to be working all over Christmas. Now he has the two days off. We are going to go to a hotel for two nights. It is the hotel we had our wedding lunch and wedding night in in Cobham Surrey. Woodland Park Hotel. I must admit I did have to nag a little bit and it is very expensive but I cannot face the thought of Christmas without the children plus it would have been my dear dads birthday on Christmas Day which is always a source of tears for me.

I have some beautiful clothes which I never get the chance to wear these days and the whole thing is catered: canapés and champagne followed by three course dinner Christmas Eve; festive breakfast; Christmas lunch (we have chosen the 2pm slot as we don’t usually have a big breakfast so need some time to digest) then cold buffet in the evening with canapés and champagne before. I keep listing what clothes I am going to wear and every time they change. Yes I know I clearly have too many clothes.

They are all coming to us on 2nd January (they are off 17 to 31st December) for an early evening buffet and Christmas present opening. I am trying very hard to be positive about this and I think for the most part I am succeeding especially as far as the family are concerned. I know I sound terribly selfish.......

[Oma]

Not selfish at all Zizi ,
Hurt and disappointed yes, and may I say rightly so ,
Seems to have been all done underhanded so as not to include you and P ,
Some of our children can be so hurtful and uncaring at times

[Gemini]

No, not selfish at all Zizi. I would feel just as you do under the same circumstances.
Having a couple of days away over Christmas is a brilliant idea.
Hopefully Jan 2nd will be a lovely belated family Christmas for you.

[Daisy]

Zizi - I don't think you are being selfish. They probably assumed that P was working, but it would have been nice if they has asked, but perhaps they thought asking you if they knew you couldn't go would seem a bit cruel. This year you will have two days break in a special place with lovely memories, waited on hand and foot and no preparation to do other than packing the 6 suitcases you will need (in case you change your mind about what to wear )

When we are all eating up the leftovers, and packing Christmas and New Year away you will still have yours to look forward to on 2 January.

It's quite possible we will be on our own for Christmas Day this year (long story!) and OH suggested we went out for Christmas lunch, but I think I'd rather have a relaxing day at home with him and Eva, and for once, make the most of Mr Marks & Spencer to make it really easy. I've cooked Christmas dinner almost every year for the last 50 years, so an easy day would be quite welcome. It's GD2's birthday on the 27th and for the last few years we've had a big family gathering then.

[Plantaholic]

Every year, it starts about now, who is going where for Christmas, last year we went out but that is not so popular with the children and it is very expensive. SIL's brother who was having their mother said shall we go out but everything is booked, so it has fallen to my DD to cook again, so she has SIL's Brother plus wife, his mother and 2 DD's plus me unless I go to DS's and DIL's but they do a big curry day on Boxing Day. GS2 is working and GS1 his partner and baby are going to her mother's, much to the disappointment of my DD. They will come in the morning to open presents. I feel sorry for DD but I did it for the family for years and I do help with preparing things.

[Nanto2girls]

Not selfish ZIZI.
Sometimes folk can be quite thoughtless though.

[Qwerty]

Zizi as Oma says it does seem a bit secretive what they have done I would be very upset if it was my kids.
I don’t know myself what’s happening at Xmas, I know my DS is going to in laws on Xmas day we were at DS last year, Dd doesn’t know yet what’s she’s doing, I have told her we are quiet happy on our own although I don’t know as we’ve never done it before but sometimes our kids just want time on their own and I understand this , we have DS Boxing Day these days our children are a lot more focused on their own world and family and we have to make the best of it , you watch now I have said this I will get s phone call saying muuuum can we come to you !!!!!!!

[Gemini]

As you may remember we never see any offspring or GC on Christmas Day. It is always me, OH and my mum at ours. My mum would hate Christmas dinner out and is quite vocal about that so we don't have that option!
Boxing Day is the best for me, as we all go to DD2s for the day and have a family Christmas dinner, to which we all contribute.

[Qwerty]

As you may remember we never see any offspring or GC on Christmas Day. It is always me, OH and my mum at ours. My mum would hate Christmas dinner out and is quite vocal about that so we don't have that option!
Boxing Day is the best for me, as we all go to DD2s for the day and have a family Christmas dinner, to which we all contribute.

I prefer Boxing Day too Gem I know the kids prefer to come then , I wouldn’t want to go out for my Christmas dinner neither , I can understand how your mum feels, it would seem odd to me to sit amongst strangers on Xmas day but it’s each to their own some people do it every year and love it

[Oma]

We will be going to DD as usual , she gets quite upset if we say what about going out or do you want the day to yourselves ,
She loves everything about it and makes a wonderful dinner so wont hear another word about it ,
We wont see the two youngest till Boxing day morning , by then they have opened so many presents they not always in a rush to open ours so its a bit more relaxed , messy by the time they go no doubt

[Daisy]

Qwerty - you're right. As the grandchildren get older they really want to be in their own homes, opening presents etc, rather than rushing out and perhaps going from one branch of the family to another. Our DS1 and family haven't been here for Christmas Day for about 4 years now, and I totally understand. It's over an hour's journey and then if they stay the night they usually had to rush back on Boxing Day for DIL's family. I think they all need a bit less stress in their lives, so I don't mind not seeing them on a particular day.

This year DS2 and family will have their new puppy and he will only just about be ok to socialise after his puppy jabs, but I can understand it's not a great idea to bring a very young puppy into a noisy, busy house. We had Eva just 4 days before Christmas, which wasn't ideal, but at least she was an adult and when it got too much for her she was happy to stay in our bedroom, away from the bedlam!

Oma - how lovely that your DD enjoys making christmas for you all.

[ZIZI]

Because husband is usually working an early shift on Christmas and Boxing days the day goes like this: he goes off to work at stupid o’clock, I get up around 7.30 and trot over to see the children. One of the families will do breakfast and everyone will be at the same place. I take one small present each for the children and the rest stay at ours. They always have a Christmas Eve box with bits and pieces and new PJs so they stay in their PJs and I take a short video of them waving to husband which I send over to him, then I come back and on the way drop in to see a couple of people. No buses for husband so I go to collect him (only five minutes) and we eat later in the afternoon. Sometimes we have gone to the kids when he is not working and a couple of times we have gone en masse to a pub or restaurant for lunch. I would love to hVe the. All here but we just do not have the room.

Between christmas and New Year they all come to us for a second Christmas when I do a buffet and everyone opens their presents. In the old days, when we had the house and before the GC came along, we would do a big Christmas breakfast and it was always my mission to provide the most unusual or different breakfast which I really enjoyed doing, sometimes took weeks to work it all out. This was because it was becoming obvious that the boys wanted to spend Christmas Day with their girlfriends and doing the breakfast meant that we saw them all before they went off to lunch with the girl friends families.

We were talking about it last night and husband says it is partly our fault. Because my mother was so very interfering and troublemaking we made the decision not to thrust ourselves on our kids. We are always here for them and, as you all know, used to have the children often before they got their incredible social lives. We never just pop in and never expect them to drop everything for us. When we organise something like a buffet for birthdays or Christmas etc. I make sure it suits everyone even if I move our own diaries around. Husband says maybe they have just got used to us not expecting anything. Having said that youngest son is supposed to be coming here this afternoon to cut up the old sofas and dispose of them. Not sure he will definitely turn up if I am honest.

Last year my downstairs neighbour and her mum came up for lunch. Unfortunately mum over imbibed and ended up face first in her lunch, poor neighbour was very embarrassed. We managed to get mum into the bedroom to sleep it off and after an hour she was up and perfectly normal again!

The hotel we are staying in is beautiful and although we haven’t been there for a number of years it has good write ups plus, what I didn’t know until I saw the confirmation, husband has booked a deluxe room for us. I understand some people would not want to be with strangers on Christmas Day but, as I said before, the day is always emotional for me because it was my dads birthday and I always have a little cry and raise a glass to him, so doing something different might help.

[ZIZI]

Oh and as a PS my natural son is still AWOL and we haven’t seen him for two years so that is another source of tears...........

[Gemini]

It must be Zizi xxx

[Daisy]

Zizi - you've built up lovely Christmas traditions with your family but I wonder if they know how much they mean to you and your OH? When you never make any demands on your family (and I know quite a few of us are the same) they don't realise that we might want things a certain way - at least sometimes. And with it being your Dad's birthday , and your son is still AWOL, no wonder you are feeling sad. I'm sure staying at that lovely hotel will help ease those hurts. xx