Me Again With A Question

[Bizzy Lizzy]

I always seem to pop up here with a question so apologies for that. Also for the lack of time I am able to give to the forum of late.
As some of you know my DS1 and his partner and my GS2 are over from NZ. There are many problems which would take all day to go into but I wanted to get some GRU wisdom on one small issue.
My DiL (well she almost is) plans to breastfeed GS2 until he is four years old. He will be two years old in August. My problem is that although I am very much in favour of breast feeding I find the idea of breast feeding a four year old rather - what can I say - repulsive, yucky, creepy even. Sorry to be so blunt. I am wondering if this is a problem with my own thinking or is it in any way justified or understandable? Please be honest as I am always open to trying to change my mind or rethink things if I can.

[aggie]

I am same thinking as you ! the child might grow out of it himself , but it isn't worth falling out with her ovrr it , just ignore it xxx

[Plantaholic]

I agree with Aggie, it might not happen so ignore it.

[Oma]

I agree but that's just my opinion . A lot of young mothers seem to feel this is ok and to be honest if you wont be seeing it just say nothing ,
I often wonder how long our mothers breast fed ? I'm sure my mother told me my Grandmother breast fed a long time so maybe its not as strange and odd as our generation thinks.

Modern mothers listen and read and take notice of so called experts , your GC may stop wanting to breast feed by himself so problem solved , don't fret about it you cant do anything about it anyway so go with the flow

[Gemini]

BL, firstly there is no need to apologise to us! We know you are busy, and you haven't deserted us as you drop in when you can Asking questions is fine too! Lovely to hear from you when you can come online.

I sort of have a little inside knowledge on this, as I breastfed DD3 until she was 3 and a half!!
This was NOT my choice or something I planned. I am very much in favour of breastfeeding and wanted to feed her for about 18 months. However, she was the baby who would have no dummy, and breastfeeding was the only way to settle her or get her to sleep. I was trying to wean her from aged 2, and from about 18 months only ever fed her at home and usually at bedtime.
It didn't feel weird to me, although as I say I wouldn't have planned to do it. I knew it would to others though hence only feeding her at home later.

Some of DD1's friends are into long term breastfeeding and one of her friends is now feeding 2 children, having fed the first throughout the 2nd pregnancy

Try just to stand back and let your DIL do what she feels is best BL. It's not that unusual these days. It is very tying (no nights away without the child as the child probably won't sleep without the breast ) so she may get tired of it before he is 4.
As others have said, your GS may wean himself off naturally, my 2nd daughter did this at a year old.

[Libra Gran]

I'm afraid I agree with everyone, its her child let her do what she thinks is right for her. Personally wouldn't appeal to me, but as long as it is not in public over the age of 1, cant see a problem.

[Bizzy Lizzy]

That's just it Oma we are all seeing it all the time. At family gatherings, in pubs, in restaurants, on one occasion we were viewing a house and she squatted on the floor of the lounge and started feeding him whilst speaking to the landlord. When she calls to collect him from us she drops to the floor immediately on arrival, often on the front door mat and grabs him in order to feed right away. This is often immediately after I have given him lunch. Dont misunderstand I have no intention of saying anything as I want to remain friends with my daughter in law. I just find it a little odd and a bit icky.

[Gemini]

BL, that is exactly what a couple of DD1's friends do. Sit anywhere and pop a boob out to feed, often with toddlers. Just ignore it

(One of her friends once insisted on breastfeeding her daughter at a children's party - dragging her away from the party food to do so! DD and I both felt that was feeding for the sake of the mother not the child, who wanted to sit with her friends and eat food with them!)

[WeeGranny]

Perhaps she's waiting for someone to say something about it BL, as she doesn't seem concerned where or when she does it! I stopped breast feeding DS when he bit my nipple and he wasn't a year old!!! Wouldn't take a bottle, went straight onto a cup! Maybe if your GS did that, she'd soon stop! Otherwise, try your best to ignore it and find something to do out of sight when she starts. I once had a boy in my class who was a year behind because his mother was still breastfeeding when he was due to start school.....they were a very strange family.

[Oma]

Oh no BL its one thing doing it in private or discreetly but just to squat anywhere that's a no no . I'm not against a mother feeding her baby but a toddler is a different thing ,
My niece would feed her baby under a silk scarf over her shoulder , I once said to her you don't need to do that its the most natural thing in the world , she said oh its not for other people I do it for me and my modesty , well that was fair enough , maybe DIL needs to learn to be modest , but its her choice and you don't really want to be falling out with her do you its not worth the hassle x

[Shemadee]

There seem to be a lot more disadvantages than advantages but they will be your dil's problem more than anyone else. Feeding on a mat where people wipe their feet sounds very odd and unhygienic. I've been watching Supernanny recently and so many of the problems seem to come from mothers trying to keep their children as babies indefinitely. So hard to keep quiet sometimes but essential! Could your DIL be trying to wind you up?

[Bizzy Lizzy]

No WG she doesn't appreciate my son's comments about it at all so wouldn't listen to any one for sure. He would like her to stop but she says that "as the primary caregiver" she makes these decisions. She says it is good for him, not for nutrition but for comfort and bonding. She does it all through the night as well. She has insisted on co-sleeping so he is in bed with her and she can just feed him as she sees fit. She is terribly confident about it and "knows" it is right which is why she is happy to do it anywhere at any time. If possible I try to occupy myself with other things when she is doing this. Breastfeeding a small unweaned baby seems lovely and I really enjoyed that experience with mine but extending it on to age four (and possibly beyond) feels unnatural and like something she is doing for herself rather than for him as Gem says.

[Daisy]

BL - your DIL may well be doing this for herself more than her little boy, but she certainly wouldn't see it that way from what you've said. In some cultures it's perfectly usual (I'm trying to avoid 'normal' or 'natural') for children to be breastfed for years, but in our culture it's not very common (as far as I know!). But, as everyone else has said, it's between your DIL and your GS. He may well decide he's not going to do it at some point, and then she will have to accept that stage is over. She may also end up suffering from her own peer pressure to give up. You're right - you can't say anything.

[Bizzy Lizzy]

Thanks for further words of wisdom Daisy (in addition to everyone else who has provided helpful comments) and yes I agree she is doing this for herself. He never seems to instigate it but she grabs him and puts him in the appropriate position and he knows what he has to do next. It has become learned behaviour rather than an actual need. I have heard of a Mother locally who was breast feeding her school aged child at the school gates whilst they were waiting to go in. She was eventually asked by the Head to desist. My DiL has lots of strange ideas and obsessions around GS2s upbringing but I am keep my mouth well and truly closed. In fact my tongue is bleeding from biting it!

[Daisy]

BL - I can't help wondering what will happen when your GS hits the Terrible Twos!!! If he doesn't want to be breastfed Mummy could find herself with some painful teeth marks.