Not wishing any more

[Sum1Ls]

For a granddaughter. I love my four grandsons to bits, but I won’t deny that I’ve always wanted a granddaughter although for some time I’ve know that that wasn’t going to happen.

Now that eldest grandson is off to secondary school in September, and in the light of the recent appalling accounts of the sexual harassment and worse, that happens routinely in so many secondary schools, I’m glad that I’m not worrying myself stupid about it.

We all know that it’s not new, but with the rise of social media, TicToc, Instagram and so on, pornography seems to be normalised and girls and women treated as objects to be abused and humiliated for the gratification of boys and men.

Not all men and boys of course, but the problem is, we don’t know which ones. So every boy and man who doesn’t call it out is complicit.

As a primary school head I had to deal with incidents. One was a boy who thought it was funny to ping the bra straps of the girls who wore them. Another was a boy who calked girls ‘cupcake’ mark 1,2,or3 depending of his personal preference. I spoke very seriously to these boys and to their parents, you would think that parents would have been supportive, but no. One dad said that it was only fun, that all boys do it, that the girls need to get a life and sense of humour. Another said his boy didn’t mean anything by it and he called girls cupcake too.

My response was to say very firmly that it wasn’t acceptable and breached the school’s safeguarding policy and if it happened again the boy would miss breaktimes and would have to work at a separate desk.

Now these are small incidents compared to what we’ve heard but it escalates and leads to so much worse.

I’d be interested to hear what grannies with granddaughters have found and what they think.

[Sunshine]

I am with you 100% on this. Just because ‘it’s always been done’ certainly does not make it okay.
It is very important that youngsters of today are educated in respect for each other. In the past, girl’s would often just grin and bear it, but fortunately today they are beginning to speak out. It is just tragic that so many people are just not listening.

Years gone by my dad would say ‘sticks and stones can break your bones, but words will never hurt you.’ How wrong (although well meaning) he was.

Actions like pinging girls bra straps or giving marks for ‘cup cake’ size is still often viewed as a bit of fun, teasing or banter. But I very strongly disagree. It is nothing other than ignorance that allow this behaviour to continue. It is our duty as parents or grandparents to teach our youngsters, girls and boys how to respect one another, also demand respect for themselves.

[Gemini]

I totally agree Sum1.
I always wanted daughters and was lucky enough to have 3. I wanted granddaughters and am lucky enough to have one, and my two lovely grandsons.

I am sad that my gorgeous GD aged 11 may have to put up with this stuff My own wish would be for her to go to an all girls school from September to be honest. At least at school I didn't have to put up with any of this, just in the street.

GD has encountered nothing so far. The boys in her year (6) seem nice and she has several friends who are boys. This is a village primary school though, not a comp.

[Oma]

When DD was about 14 there was a boy in her class that was constantly pinging her bra strap ,
She told the teacher who said ignore him ,
We went to the school who said they would deal with it , they didn't .

This went on for weeks DD was getting more angry by the day ,
One day she just snapped and punched him in the face so hard she burst his nose and blacked his eye ,

Now the school wanted to see us and wanted to punish DD ,

We arrived at the school at the same time as this boys Mother ,
The Head teacher wanted a apology from my DD and for us to agree to a suitable punishment .

Oh did I explode they listened to what I had to say ,I made sure they did ,
Then this boys mother had her say , we were expecting her to side with the school and her boy but she didn't ,

She gave him a right dressing down in front of us all , made him apologise to my DD and insisted that he was punished ,

Turned out she had put up with similar thing at school and cat calling and it made her very unhappy .

If it happened to my GD I think my DS would have none of it .

It scares me how easy young boys have access to hard core porn even on their phones that many parents know nothing about ,

They grow up with a warped idea of women

[Nanto2girls]

Mimi, i agree with all that you said.

I always wanted grandaughters and got them, although neither of them are at school.
GD1 (25) is married now and GD2(18).
I never heard of any incidents like you spoke about happening to them, but i can't say it didn't happen.

Oma, i'm glad you stood your ground over the incident when your DD was at school.

[Daisy]

Sum1 - what an appalling state of affairs in this country when the abuse of young girls and women is so widespread it has made you almost glad you don't have grand daughters. Your experience with the father who said "it's only a bit of fun" is typical of similar situations I met at college. I remember one student whose behaviour to his fellow female student and teachers was beyond belief. Trying to 'get through' to him the seriousness of his behaviour I asked him how he would feel if it was his sister on the receiving end of such abuse. He saw no irony or double standard in saying "that would be different, she's my sister"!!

Gem - I sympathise with your worries about your GD. I keep telling myself I shouldn't be relieved that my GD1 is going to a girls' school in September, but I'm afraid I am. She can concentrate on her education with out worries about boys calling her names, or worse.

Oma - good for that mum who didn't side with her son. Access to porn used to be limited the the top shelf of the magazine rack in newsagents, now it's there at the tap of a button and there seem to be no boundaries any more.

Sunshine - you're right. Girls need to speak out and are starting to do so. We all have to listen to them and hear their distress and outrage.

[Daisy]

I've just been reading an article about people who sell consoles (things like the new PlayStation 5S) online for inflated prices because they are so in demand. Some people (often teenagers) buy 'desirable' items using bots - software that enables them to buy lots of an item within seconds of them being released for sale then selling them at a profit. The really dark side of this activity is threats of violence. One girl was saying someone threatened to rape her because she deserved it, another that she should be stabbed and left to bleed in the street. But what totally shocked me was the girl said "girls online get it all the time" - she doesn't bother to report these threats to the police because she'd be wasting her time.

[Gemini]

Oma, good for that mother of the boy. Like most of us I abhor bullying of any kind, and that is bullying, I would be horrified were it my son or GS, as that lady obviously was.

That's appalling Daisy.

I read years ago that girls do better in an all girls school, whereas boys do better with the presence of girls. I always wished my DDs went to girls schools, but there were none around here, apart from one very expensive private one.
They in fact all disagreed with me and were glad they went to mixed schools! DDs 1 and 3 still have some very good male friends from school days. So it's not all bad.

These days due to the internet of course it a very different for our GC.

[Daisy]

Gem - I was glad my sons went to mixed schools, but the world was a very different place then, and the kinds of damaging material that are easily available to boys didn't exist then. Most of the boys I knew were taught to respect girls and had plenty of good male role models. Sadly our GCs, girls and boys, are growing up in a less respectful society where it feels like the survival of the fittest.

[Gemini]

There is a lot of discussion on this topic on TV this morning.