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    #1

    Best friends

    Do you have a Best Friend?

    Is it just a thing of childhood? I don't think so because I do know people with best friends.
    For many it is their sister.

    I had a close best friend from the age of 14. We did everything together, shared the same interests and even went to the same college in London and shared a flat. I told her I thought I was pregnant with DD1 even before I told my ex!

    We stayed close friends and supported each other for many years, despite for the main living many miles away. Things changed over the years and I realised I was the one putting in all the effort. Now we are birthday and Christmas card friends only. I thought we would be close friends for ever, but it was obviously just for that time.

    I have lots of friends OH and I jointly have many. C is my very trusted friend and longest lasting. In a way OH is my best friend as same sex partnerships are a bit different to man/woman ones. I do realise that husband and wife can be best friends too! This is great, but also means I have no one to confide in it I had anything to discuss about her! All your friends become joint friends.


    Maybe its just the thing of fairy tales, like Happy Ever After?

    I would be very interested to hear your opinions and experiences on this. Its something I often think about.

    “A grandchild fills a space in your heart that you never knew was empty.” – Unknown
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    #2
    I think B is my best friend but Dorothy SILs mother is the person I can turn too,

    My late sister was the best friend ever and I was very lost when she died ,
    We could talk for hours many times a day and told each other everything.
    It took me a long time to get used to not ringing her ,

    I do have other friends but not close ,
    One friend from school we might not see each other for years but when we meet it’s like we have never been apart it’s so easy to just carry on where we left off.

    B has his Army pals , I know a few but I don’t really mix with them .
    He doesn’t have a best friend apart from Martin .

    Im not fat just 6ft too small

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      #3
      My DDs, especially DD2 feel like best friends to me, but you cant make your DDs your best friends.

      You must feel the loss of that sister so much Oma xx
      “A grandchild fills a space in your heart that you never knew was empty.” – Unknown
      • Likes 1

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        #4
        What an interesting thread, Gem.

        Oma, I think you said once that she was your older sister, so she would always have been there for you. No wonder you felt her loss so much.

        I've spent a lot of time in the last six months thinking about friendship between siblings, because OH has lost both his older brother and his oldest sister during that time. It's hard to understand when you don't have brothers or sisters yourself, and to appreciate how important they can be.

        I have a couple of friends who I would describe as close - one from when I was 7 and the other from 11. We hardly ever see each other, but have such a long shared history together. Another couple of friends I would describe as close because I know I could talk about anything with them.

        The other two friends I feel close to are a brother and sister who I have literally known all my life. Until 4 years ago I hadn't seen the brother for 40 or 50 years, (he lived abroad) but we instantly picked up where we left off, if that makes sense. No feeling of strangeness or anything - it was as though we'd seen each other the week before.

        Gem, I can see that there might be a more 'whole' all-encompassing friendship in a same-sex relationship than in a man-woman one. As you say, you have more joint friends and you are probably more in tune with each other over interests, shared experiences and even someone who notices the little things - like when you've had your toe nails done for summer etc.

        I think you're right about friends for a particular time in our lives, and I found that was especially true when we were having our own children and experiencing all that that brings. The closeness may not stand the test of time and changes in our lives, but at the time the friendship is real, close and very important to us.

        "Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognise how good things really are. "

        (Marianne Williamson)

        Comment

          #5
          All of my close family have passed away now, just one nephew keeps in touch. I hear from two friends at Christmas but haven’t seen them for years. so my close friends are people that live in the village.
          What is life if full of care we have no time to stand and stare

          Comment

            #6
            Me and hubby are best friends.

            As for other best friends, we have family that we are close to, but i wouldn't say we are best friends.
            I have friends,hubby has friends. Then we have friends that we are both friends with.
            Sometimes I forget to like posts,but that doesn't mean I don't like them.

            Comment

              #7
              Daisy my Sister was the middle child , closer to me in age , I still have my oldest sister who I adore ,
              Shes coming up to 80 now,
              Then there was my Brother then Sister who died and I was the baby 😁
              Im not fat just 6ft too small

              Comment

                #8
                Oma, it must have been quite special being the baby of the family. Xx
                "Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognise how good things really are. "

                (Marianne Williamson)
                • Likes 1

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                  #9
                  Daisy, Like Oma, I was the youngest of six, only one boy
                  What is life if full of care we have no time to stand and stare

                  Comment

                    #10


                    My 91 year old neighbour, June, lamented that all her friends had died. I protested that she had lots of friends - we’ve been good neighbours for 45 years and she knows and is friendly with most people on our street. But she asserted that ‘real’ friends were the ones she’d known all her life, and they are all dead.

                    I replied that I didn’t agree. She’s loved and valued by all of her neighbours and by everyone at the Tuesday Club at the church at the end of the street. But she would not be persuaded.

                    So, while I can deeply sympathise with her sorrow at the death of her close friends, it seemed to me that friendships shouldn’t be defined by duration or proximity. And I also think that the friendships we make throughout our lives are all to be valued and cherished in different ways.

                    Some deep bonds are made when circumstances throw us together. As a young mother with no idea what to do with a screaming baby, it was the other mothers sharing the same challenges who were at that time, my closest friends. The mutual support, the freedom to share matters that couldn’t be shared with anyone else forged deep bonds. Decades later those women have scattered, some have died, but that love and support lives on in the way it influenced my life and the lives of children.

                    In our working lives there is always someone who is the person with whom you feel at ease, who is supportive and encouraging but is unafraid to be very truthful when necessary. It’s a different kind of friendship but nonetheless it’s still friendship.

                    And then we retire, take up new interests, volunteer, mind the grandchildren or take up gardening - all activities where we meet and form friendships with others through circumstance or or proximity.

                    And sometimes there can be friendships formed online which in my youth would have seemed bizarre, although a pen friend (remember those) would have been a forerunner. I met a dear friend through an online group for grandmothers fourteen years ago and our friendship has been a great blessing.

                    However, of my three very close friends, one is from school, one from when we were both students and one from my first job in this country. And although we may not see one another in person so frequently they are the ones I cherish closest to my heart.

                    So, what is it that is at the core of all these three relationships? In each case there has been an indescribable instant connection, I suppose a psychologist could analyse it, but in each case we were both doing something slightly subversive. Jackie and I at eight years old were picking candle wax off the stand avoiding the basilisk eye of the sacristan, D and I met in a field both skiving off what we felt was a pointless lecture and M and I were playing ‘spot the jargon’ at an inservice training day when we spotted each other recording the words at the same time. At the words ‘drill down’ ‘deep dive’ and ‘higher order thinking’ we were both overcome with stifled chortles and had to excuse ourselves.

                    Beyond the fun however there has been support, love, respect, sharing and the knowledge that your friend is bound into your life in a different, and just possibly, a more equal way than any family member.

                    So maybe, June has a point after all.

                    ​

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