Friends dropping in

[Gemini]

How do you feel about friends dropping in unannounced?

I have to say I prefer to know, even if it is just a text saying 'Are you in if we drop by in the next 10 minutes?'
This is for various reasons. I would prefer not to be looking too scruffy when people visit, and I may be in the middle of something. Or I may not even be in. If I had warning I could possibly have changed my plans to be at home to see that person. OH on the other hand loves people just dropping in and thinks it is fine to drop in on others. I prefer to warn people and visit when I am expected.

Although I prefer to know friends are due, if any turn up unexpectedly I welcome them, invite them in and they just have to take us as they find us.

We have long term friends, a couple, who moved into our village 4 years ago. They live 2 minutes walk away from our house.When they moved closer to us we didn't expect to see lots of them. They are younger than us and we and they have our own lives. We are close friends though. They came to our wedding and we to theirs. Both small weddings. They spend every New Years Eve at our house,
We did expect to see more of them than we do though!These friends have a lovely 4 bed detached house which is immaculately decorated and maintained. We, and the rest of our close circle of friends, have been inside twice! This is odd enough, but if we knock on their door to drop off a card, or the keys if they kindly feed our cats on an overnight stay, they don't answer the door. We know they are in but they don't answer! I consider this very rude, and strange. If they don't want to ask us in at least they could come to the door! One time when this happened they texted OH to say sorry, they were asleep on the sofa (early evening) It take all sorts I suppose!

[Daisy]

It's a good question, Gem. I must admit, I had to think about it!

Mostly, I'm happy for people to just drop in anytime. I'm not worried about what the house looks like, and as long as I'm showered and dressed, I'm not worried about what I look like either! I'm usually happy to drop what I'm doing, make a cuppa and sit down to enjoy a chat. I don't even mind if we already have visitors and more arrive.

Occasionally I'm in a hurry to get something finished, or don't want to be disturbed for some reason, but I don't want friends to think they are less important than say, cleaning the windows, so I'm happy to have a break. It doesn't stop me feeling quietly frustrated that I've been disturbed though. To be honest, cleaning the windows isn't a good example - I'd be more than happy to leave off!!!

OH is always hospitable. He grew up in a busy vicarage where parishioners would come to the door at all times of the day and night. MIL always had a big kettle at the ready on the Rayburn, and always had a homemade cake just waiting to be cut into, and if it was cold FIL always had a fire burning in his study. They would never turn anyone away, and I think some of that has rubbed off on OH.

How strange that your friends pretend to be out - or asleep. Everyone is different. It reminded me of my OH's aunt (MIL's sister) who lived in North Wales. We had a caravan in Anglesey and she was always saying we should call in and see them anytime we were passing so one day we did. DS2 was just about a month old and she hadn't seen him, so we stopped to say 'hello'. They made it very plain it was inconvenient because they were just about to go out, so we didn't even go into the house. But the baby was due for a feed, so we sat in the car while I fed him, changed him, gave DS1 a snack and drink - and they never came out! Needless to say, we never called again. A few months later, they did exactly the same to OH's brother. Why bother inviting someone like that if you don't really want to see them.

[Nanto2girls]

I don't mind too much if anyone comes unannounced, but would prefer a phone call or a text.If we want to visit anyone,friends or family,we call or text first.
I'm curious as to why your friends don't answer the door to you.Strange, as you are close friends.
When i was younger around 12/13 i had a close firend.Whenever i went to call for her,i always had to wait outside, but when she came to our house, we would spend time in my bedroom,watching tv or trying on clothes or whatever we did back then.
If it was dinner/tea time she always ate with us. A few years later, i was talking to an ex girlfriend of her brother, and i brought up the subject. She always thought it was because their house was victorian and hadn't been decorated for many years. Now we weren't rich or posh,but our house was decorated more modern. As a 12/13 year old, i doubt i would have noticed what their house was like.
Obviously, that's not the reason with your friends, as their house is decorated nicely.

[Plantaholic]

I do prefer to have some warning unless it is family so that I can brush off the cat hair and make sure I have something to offer with a cup of tea. My DD's house next door always has an open door. We had a neighbour who I knew quite well and if she called I always invited her in m but she would keep me talking on the doorstep and apparently I was not alone.

[Daisy]

Nanto - interesting point about the house. I did wonder, Gem, whether your friends' house is so beautiful because they treat it like delicate glassware. We live in our house - it's not always tidy, cushions aren't always plumped up, dog toys are strewn all over the floor etc, and quite frankly some of it needs refurbishing. If their house is really beautiful and pristine and they've worked very hard to get it like that perhaps they don't want people 'messing' it up in any way. I'm not suggesting you would mess it up, but you know what I mean.

[Gemini]

I'm sure you are right Daisy! They have no pets or children and their house is pristine, they seem to want to keep it that way! To us our home is a comfortable place for us, our family and friends to relax in. If we never had anyone over we wouldn't want a house as large as they have bought

[Oma]

I dont mind people dropping in during the day but after tea i would prefer a warning as i tend to take my bra off and put my PJ.s on then so would like to be dressed when they call , One of my next door neighbour,s will not open the door to anyone, they get lots of parcels delivered and we always take them in then when the van has gone they will come for them , we have lived next door 12 years and although she comes into mine i have never ever been in her house , even if ive gone out as she comes home to give her a parcel im kept at the door . I never notice what anyones house is like when i visit {unless it was exceptionally dirty} as i have gone to visit them not there home , My sister is far from clean or tidy but i feel very welcome and comfy when i go , I did have a friend who would only let people into the dining room as she didnt want anyone messing her sofa cushions up or walk on her carpets , you were allowed to look through the door to see what she had bought new but thats as far as it went , i think it was very sad . I always have a clean tidy house but if you call and i have the |Dog or the children you have to expect toys and mess .
The only people i tell to ring or text first is my DS and BIL thats only because they live a fair distance from us and its a long way to come to find us out

[ZIZI]

we rarely get drop in visitors as most of our friends moved away at about the same time that we moved here. Our current local friends are mostly working during the day and a lot of them are shift workers working with my husband. Because I do a lot of working at home it would be, to be honest, a bit inconvenient as a lot of my work involves telephone conferencing or skyping. Neighbour downstairs will sometimes pop in for drink especially if she is a bit fed up and I don't mind that. Flat is always mostly tidy unless I am making up bags or boxes for events in which case there is stuff all over the sitting room floor but if that is the case people just have to put up with that!

Because of where we live and how our flat is situated we don't get lots of random knocks on the door which is great as when we had the house we were near a Seventh Day Adventist church and we were the first road they sent all their trainee recruiters down.m sometimes it would be five or six knocks a night. I have nothing against them at all but it did used to get on my nerves after a while.

[Grauntie Mag]

I'm happy for people to drop in. We are not the tidiest of families but I think folks come to see us not the state of the house. Having said that I don't drop in to friends unannounced. If I have to call in for any reason I will usually stay for coffee if invited.
Many's the pal who has dropped in for coffee and stayed for lunch.

[Libra Gran]

I'm okay with people dropping by,it's take us as you find us I'm afraid. What is it they say "the people who matter don't mind and the people that mind don't matter "

[aggie]

we always had People calling in as we are on the front street , I loved it , posh biscuits and cake kept on a high shelf , but now few people call , I think they are embarrassed since Jim went off his feet , his voice is very low now too . I do feel lonely sometimes

[Gemini]

Aww, Aggie xx

[Daisy]

aggie - I'd call in if I lived nearby. xx

[Plantaholic]

So sorry Aggie, wished we lived nearer, I would love to pop in.

[aggie]

Thanks ladies you would be.very welcome