Thoughts on the nature of friendship

[Daisy]

I was going to start this thread anyway, just because of a few things which have happened to me recently, but it now seems very poignant because of Qwerty's sad news about her best friend's terminal illness.

One of the benefits of getting older, as I see it, is that if you are very fortunate you will have a few friends of very long-standing. Friends who know you inside out and you, them. Friends who are there for you and join in your joys and your sadnesses. There are friends you may not see very often, and even friends you only know in cyberspace, or they may live next door (lucky you), or may also be your sister, cousin or in-law.

So I thought it would be good to have a place to tell us about these special people in your life and what they mean to you.

[Gemini]

Good idea for a thread Daisy. One for me to come back to.

[Elisi]

What a lovely thread Daisy.

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one. ― C.S. Lewis

I have also always loved this quote:

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

I have friends I see rarely and it is those people I am closest to. Odd really, but the people I call friends whom I see on a regular basis are not as close as those far away.

Jenny is someone from my London days in the 70's. She and I bonded immediately. I was introduced to her by Prudence .

Pru is a redhead Jewish lady, Jenny had very long dark hair and I was the blonde. We were all over 5.7" and when we strode along Kings Road or anywhere, we really we did stop traffic!

Jenny was SO beautiful. People would stop an stare at her. Pru and I knew we were standing in her shadow but, she was such a sweetheart, we did not mind at all.

Eventually Jenny went on to win Miss UK and Miss Universe beauty contests, which she hated. There is a back story on corruption re: the judges which I will not put here.

Pru never married, but after 3 years at RADA and several films and plays went onto become a singer, and at the age of 71 still has many fans in clubs and venues all over London where she regularly sings with various musicians , one of whom is Peter Asher, brother of Jane Asher. We did attend one in 2011 and it was fabulous.

Jenny married an Australian chap and left for Brisbane, had a boy, and he is now married and he is a grandmother!. I visited them in 1995 for 3 glorious weeks. I am taking Keira, my eldest GD out there when she is 13.

I see Pru about twice a year, I go to London to stay with her or she comes to us. We are all, thanks to the Internet, constantly in touch over Skype, FB and email. Now and again we speak over the phone. We share so many memories of the 11 years we were together in London. We shared the flat that Pru bought, and honestly, never fell out!

Susan is a friend from school and actually was in my late sister's class but we have remained close for many years. My dear sister was plagued with great depression and alcoholism. We were both adopted, and were not related by blood, nevertheless she was of the utmost importance in my life and I loved her dearly but,like her husband, and son, could not help her. Sue tried also, so hard to help Val, and that is what bonded us together. Val died in 2005 just before my daughter was married. Sue and I see each other only once every 2 or 3 years but it is as if time has not passed when we are together. We talk over the phone, several times a year, but our meetings are very special.

Sheila is the dearest lady. I met her 26 years ago and we became immediate friends. Because we are both Christian believers we found a special bond and will talk about our faith for days on end. She lives in Cambridge and I wish I saw her more often as we can talk the house down! Once a year is where we are presently, although there is the phone as she doesn't 'do' the Internet!

Ann is also in Cambridge and we met at a special Course we were doing in 1999 and became firm friends. A gentle, sweet soul she is an ex Hospice manager, and now runs her life around charity work. She is on FB and we chat there often and see each other when we can. We have so much in common and can talk into the night until the following morning.

In 2004 I met a a wonderful chap called Lance, and his sister Tania who are Maori spiritual leaders and healers. I wish he was not so far away as he and I have had so many long long talks over the phone (they have very cheap or free international calls over there) and they is now on FB having said they would never join!!! We have chat sessions on FB which are enlightening and fascinating to see how another Culture views life, the Universe and Everything !!! If I ever went there I would spend a lot of time with him and her.

Mary is also from New Zealand. She is now 96 and in a home for the blind, very close to her extended family in the South Island. Wonderful story there but also very tragic. She and her husband Brian immigrated there as a young married couple and bought a Ranch. It was run down and needed lots of work and she did this whilst raising 6 daughters and Brian farmed the land. One day he was mending the tractor when it went forwards trapping and crushing him. He died several days later in hospital leaving Mary with the 6 daughters and the ranch.

She ran the ranch, raised her daughters, and trained as nurse. She has written a book about it (her daughters all helped her as they thought her story should be told).

Once her daughters were out in the world she set sail to different parts of the globe acting as a live in nurse for disabled patients. It was here in Cambridge in 1994 I first met her and sort of fell in love with this tiny little 4' 11" lady whose daughters were al over 6 foot!!! I was the manager of a charity shop and she was a volunteer. I don't think I have ever met such a beautiful soul. There were no complaints about her life, no regrets, and no moans. Just a strong Faith and a moving onwards to help others. Her family adore her, she is a great great grandmother, and now her 60 and 70+ daughters, (two of whom I met) keep in touch with me and I send emails to Mary, they then read them to her and she dictates a reply, as she can no longer see.

I will be devastated when she passes. I often feel as long as Mary is on this world I will be OK.

So, how lucky I am to be able to count these people as my friends. VERY.

[Daisy]

Elisi - you are blessed with wonderful, amazing and courageous friends. I can picture each one from your post. xx

[Oma]

I have many friends but the one I have a close bond with is my son-in-laws Mother Dorothy , we are total opposites she is very refined and quiet , well spoken and wouldn't swear if her life depended on it , she is the sweetest kindest person I know she is like my sister and we can talk and rely on each other about anything , we laugh a lot go out for meals together and holiday together and never in many years have we had a cross word or disagreement, as it happens we are going out for afternoon tea with her and her OH tomorrow , my life would be very dull without her I love her dearly .
My closest friend most of my life was my late Sister ,we had the most special bond talked for hours laughed cried and got into some scrapes together, when she died 11 years ago aged 52 I thought my heart would break it was like having myself split in two , it's taken many years to be able to think of her without crying and feeling pain but I can remember her now with laughter instead of tears ,
I also have a school friend I may not see for several years at a time but when we do meet up its like we have never been apart I have no idea how this is but we sort of just get in step with each other instantly .
The friends I have may not be in there dozens but are very dear to me ☺

[Gemini]

Elisi, how lovely to hear about your friends, each one sounds very special.

Oma, I have always known from your posts, and from time I have spent with you, that Dorothy is a lovely lady and special friend to you We don't need dozens of friends - we just need good ones!

[Mimi]

It's not the quantity of friends you have but the quality your friends.
A few very good friends who are there for you whenever you need them, to laugh with you, cry with you if need be, to know when to cuddle you and to know when to be firm with you, to help you get yourself back together is worth so much more than lots of 'fair weather friends'.
I lost my one very dear, lovely best friend a few years ago and I miss her still to this very day.

[Daisy]

Mimi - what you say is so true. I'm so sorry you lost your very dear friend, and I'm sure you will always miss her - she's irreplaceable - but I hope there are one or two other friends in your life who help a little bit.

What made me start thinking about friends and friendship was meeting up with a friend I've know for about 38 years. We became neighbours when our children were quite young and shared a huge part of each other's lives for many years. Then circumstances separated us geographically and other circumstance make it difficult for us to keep in touch by email or letter. We met up on Friday for her 70th birthday and it was as though we'd never been apart. She is one of those true friends I feel 100 % comfortable with, can be totally honest with and love dearly.

[Nana]

I've had friends come & go. You're all so very lucky to have good friends which I hope you treasure. Before GRU I felt extremely lonely as i had no friends but now you're all my friends & yes I feel blessed.

[Plantaholic]

I am going to Devon on the 17th, fingers crossed to meet up with a very long standing friend. We lived a door away as children and went to the same school, they moved to Devon to be near her daughter so rarely see each other so looking forward to the visit very much.

[Enfys]

I agree with Nana, if you have really good friends you are so very lucky. I have known "friends" in the past who have treated me badly, DH says I'm too trusting or maybe I just have bad judgement. So now I am very cautious when it comes to making new friends. I do have a couple of girlfriends who I am comfortable with but otherwise it's acquaintances rather than good friends. My best friends are DH and DD and that's fine

[Oma]

Nana that's the best thing about this site you never need to be lonely day or night there is always someone to talk too 😀

[Gemini]

That's right Oma, and friend on here, even the ones we haven't met up with, are real friends.

[Daisy]

I am going to Devon on the 17th, fingers crossed to meet up with a very long standing friend. We lived a door away as children and went to the same school, they moved to Devon to be near her daughter so rarely see each other so looking forward to the visit very much.

Plant - that is a long-lasting friendship. I'm sure you will have such a lot to talk about and will have a wonderful time.

I have 2 friends - a brother and sister - who were our neighbours when we were all children. We still keep in touch, for years it was mainly through birthday cards and odd letter, but Facebook has enabled us to communicate more regularly. The brother, who is my age, lived abroad for many years, but the sister who is 5 years older still lives in our home town and now the brother has moved back there too.

[Nanto2girls]

Friends are like stars, you don't always see them,but you know they are there.

I have friends, but my closest friends are members of hubby's family, particularly my mother in law and one of my sister in laws.