My friend Nora

[Plantaholic]

I have a friend who is in a local Nursing Home, she must be 93, she isn't a very close friend, I worked in the school where she was the cook and then we met again playing bowls but she doesn't have many visitors so I have popped in when I could and have done so for at least 3 years, sometimes taking other friends and neighbours to see her. Usually she has been so pleased to see me, gives me a cuddle, perhaps I should say that she had a stoke and has never regained her speech, just noises you can't understand which makes visiting difficult. Yesterday it was such a lovely day so I popped in thinking I could take her into the garden and instead of being happy to see me she was angry and shouted at me in mixed up speech, I asked the manager if things had changed and he said she had been okay and didn't understand why she was not pleased to see me. I just sat and waited thinking she might be her old self but no she was still being difficult and took herself off to the bathroom. I waited for a bit then had a look in the bathroom and she was just sitting on a chair looking very displeased so I told the Manager I thought I should go. I might ring her son and ask him if he has seen a change in her but I wonder if I should visit her again if she gets upset like that.

[Gemini]

Oh Plant, that must have been upsetting for you. I'm sure you have mentioned Nora and visiting her before.
It does sound out of character, and I am sure it really had nothing to do with you personally. Maybe she was just having an off day and felt a bit out of sorts and confused? Or it could be a change in her condition, even though the staff at the home thought not.
I think you would be wise to phone her son. It would be a pity to stop visiting your friend, as I'm sure you have brightened up many of her days. However, if it ends up being upsetting for you and her, then no, it wouldn't be a good idea. Hopefully that was a one off.

[Qwerty]

Well it must be very upsetting for you too Plant, I would have a word with the son if he has seen no difference perhaps you shouldn't visit you have to think of yourself, your too nice a lady to upset anyone, meet up with the friends that appreciate you life's too short for anyone of us to be friends with someone who clearly doesn't deserve you xx

[Plantaholic]

Thank you for your comments, I will phone her son, she wasn't in her usual chair next to the window, her eyesight is great and if she sees me park she walks to the door to greet me. I was a bit surprised that when I spoke to the staff they didn't come and see her and when she went into the bathroom they didn't go and look for her.

[Oma]

Sometimes people around them don't see a change its when someone else goes with fresh eyes that see the difference , I agree speak to her son also tell him about the staff not going to her that's not right anything could have happened to her while she was in that mood ,

[Shemadee]

The staff reaction is a bit worrying. Would they have noticed any changes! Not an easy job that they do but such a major change could be cause for concern. Hope her son is sympathetic. Perhaps leave it for a while and have one more try.

[Libra Gran]

It does sound like dementia has set in Plant, that would explain her odd behaviour poor dear.

[Shemadee]

My MIL became very confused when she had a urine infection. We were told it was quite common. Unfortunately she became more and more prone to them over her last year.

[Bizzy Lizzy]

Ah yes Shem mine did too. On one occasion she called the police and said there were burglars in her flat and they rushed round and smashed the front door to get in. Turned out to be a bladder infection. She too became prone to them. Made her behave very oddly.

[Daisy]

Plant - as everyone else has said, it must have been really upsetting for you - not just her behaviour, but the change in her which the staff appear not to have noticed. If you speak to her son, perhaps you could suggest she has a check up, because if it it a urinary infection it needs prompt treatment. I'm sure you didn't take it personally and she sounds a nice lady who wouldn't have hurt your feelings intentionally. Let us know how she is. xx

[Glammanana]

Dear Plant it does sound like an infection or on start of dementia the staff could do with finding if her meds need ajusting and test for water infection,this has just happened to my lovely neighbour Hilda she was very confused but after a short spell in hospital and treatment she is back to her usual self and funnily enough she is mid 90s also,I would inform her son of your concerns and maybe try with the visits again in a few weeks time. xx

[Plantaholic]

I spoke to her son, who I have known since he was 7 and he said she has done this with him at times, he said she has her cup of tea and biscuit at the table now and he expects a carer who didn't know her led her to a chair she wasn't happy about as it was not her usual chair next to a large window where she can watch the birds and the comings and goings. I knew it was no good suggesting going to her usual seat because every time I tried to speak to her she just got more angry. Her son hoped I would try again and he would have a word with the staff on Sunday. Urine infection could be a possibility, why does this affect older people I wonder

[Qwerty]

Plant I am sorry if I sounded a bit off on this thread I never though it could be illness that was the problem hope all will get sorted soon xx

[Plantaholic]

Querty don't fret yourself, I honestly don't think it is because she gets cross like that if I talk to anyone else. I think I got the blame for her being put in the wrong chair. I have known her for years and she has always been a bit sparky

[Nana]

How's your friend Plant? I hope that she's more settled now. I have heard about so many 'older' women getting a urine infection & it totally changing their personality until treated. Hoping you're ok too.x