Friends who don't listen!

[Gemini]

I have 2 close friends who I worked with for several years. We haven't worked together for a long time, but we have remained friends. We eat out together several times a year, including close to our birthdays and around Christmas time. They have supported me through some difficult times, and me them.
They are good friends, but in some ways they don't listen. I have ibs. Beef and spicy foods are my main triggers. The friends should know this, all my other friends do. However I have lost count of the times they will suggest an Argentinian steak house with almost no-none beef options, or a spicy place!

These things irk and annoy me. The thing which hurts me however is their complete lack of interest in my grandchildren. They both have children in their 20s. None are married yet and no grandchildren.
Just because they have no GC doesn't mean they can't ask after mine! Some of my friends who have no children or GC are the most interested in my GC. I did once tell them both this, that I knew they were not interested so I didn't bother to show them photos or tell them anything. Since then one of the friends at least asks me how they are, even if she's not really interested!

Isn't it strange? I'm not really a dog person, but if a friend has a dog I take an interest!
Just wanted to vent really, as it looks as though I may be stuck with just salad and pudding at a Caribbean restaurant next week, having just looked at the menu.

[Oma]

Gem even if they let you choose the restaurant now and again wouldnt be so bad but knowing you cant eat these foods and still book is inexcusable , Make a point when you go of pointing out you are unable to eat anything from the menu see if that works , As for them not asking about your grandchildren i can understand that as i find anyone without GC really have no interest but as soon as they become a grand parent all changes , One of my ex neighbours wasnt interested in mine but now she has her own i cant get a word in edgeways when i see her she just wants to talk about them all the time but doesnt want to hear about mine . I always ask about other peoples children i like to hear what they are up too and children say the funniest things and i know they are as proud of them as i am of mine . Sometimes you just have to grit your teeth dont you xxx

[Nanto2girls]

I was going to write something very similar Oma.One of my sisters in law never asked about our grandchildren,never spoke to them at family parties. In May this year, her first grandchild was born, and she never stops talking about the baby.When you see her now,she is always showing photos of her, on her phone.
I just look at them without commenting. I know it sounds petty, but I just can't show any interest in her grandchild, not when she has never shown interest in mine over the last 21 years.

[ZIZI]

My mother never wanted anything to do with my stepsons. She actually said to me once, well shouted "they are your STEP children and no relation to you at all". I told her that if she really believed that then she was the one with a problem. My sisters rarely used to ask after my grandchildren, I think on the basis that they are "steps" but of course to me they aren't. Now my sister who is next down to me in age has a "step" grandchild and it is oh so different. Lots of pics on FB of "our darling Sam", lots of reference to him in conversations etc. After my two sisters and one of my brothers came to my birthday celebration in August the attitude has changed. They had never seen the little people with me. My sister was nearly in tears explaining how she hoped Sam would be with her like my lot are with me. I was glad they got the opportunity to meet my little people after all this time and I hope now that all the negativity about my "steps" is right under the carpet. Strange that my brother married a woman with kids and there was never a question about his relationship with them or their offspring.

[Enfys]

Well, I'm so glad it's not just me! I also have a couple of friends who are like this; Never wanted to hear about our GC. But now they have their own never stop talking about them. Even if I happen to mention one of ours they just talk over me!., so annoying. I have always shown interest in their families but just recently have begun, like Nanto2, shown less interest. Actually, thinking about it, it's not just the GC, they never seem interested in what we do anyway......oh, well, each to their own I suppose. We just have to take friends as we find them with all their little foibles.....maybe I do something that really annoys them

[Daisy]

I don't know what is worse - good friends who aren't interested in your GCs, or good friends who aren't interested in your GCs or their own!!!

Friendship is surely a two-way contract. I am interested in you and yours because I am your friend. If that only goes one way, maybe it's not such a good friendship.

I don't talk about my GCs much to friends though (except here, where it's open season because we're all besotted with our GCs). If they ask I tell them whatever seems appropriate at the time, but I'd only talk about them (the GCs) if there was a reason such as not being able to go somewhere because I'm looking after them at that time.

[Gemini]

The thing is one of these friends likes to talk.... and talk.... and talk! Often the other friend and I don't get to say anything all night about our own lives. The other friend and I often meet up for coffee in the daytime after one of these nights out, so we can exchange news!! (she is the friend who does now ask after my GC.) The talkative friend talks on and on about her grown up kids, her work colleagues, all the expensive trips she goes on with her family, and other stuff far less interesting than my GC.
This is why I joined the original forum, to have friends who understand how it feels to be a grandparent. But, I must say some of my childless gay friends are the most interested in my GC.
Nan2, my friend will be an 'overboard' grandma for sure and will bombard me with photos etc if her turn comes. Like you I will be politely distantly interested, no more!

[Bizzy Lizzy]

I don't know what is worse - good friends who aren't interested in your GCs, or good friends who aren't interested in your GCs or their own!!!

Friendship is surely a two-way contract. I am interested in you and yours because I am your friend. If that only goes one way, maybe it's not such a good friendship.

I don't talk about my GCs much to friends though (except here, where it's open season because we're all besotted with our GCs). If they ask I tell them whatever seems appropriate at the time, but I'd only talk about them (the GCs) if there was a reason such as not being able to go somewhere because I'm looking after them at that time.

I try not to mention my GC too much to others as well Daisy. My closest friend doesn't have GC and I know she would love some so I tend to restrict what I say. Also, like you, I am a little besotted However it is really nice when good friends take a bit of an interest and I think this is the sign of real friendship. Listening is just as important as talking where friendship is concerned. It is nice to come here and talk about GC where we can all share experiences and problems without the feeling of being a burden.