Next of kin, unexpected responsibilities

[Gemini]

Following on from Daisy's ongoing experiences after the sudden death of her cousin, I am reminded of what happened to my friend J a few years ago.

J's parents died several years ago. Her mother had several siblings. It seems her mother didn't speak to most of them for a long time, and the families had no contact. I don't really know why, I don't even think J does,as it was like that most of her life growing up.

A few years ago J was contacted and told that her uncle (who she didn't know) had died. He died suddenly and left no will, that could be found. As he was a widower with no children or grandchildren and all his siblings gone, his estate passed to his nieces and nephews. The law says it is shared equally, as in an equal share for each family. So J and her sister shared X amount. An only child cousin would get X, and a family of 4 would each get a quarter of X, and so on.

Although J didn't know her uncle he had her name somewhere in the house, so she was traced, and took on next of kin status So then it fell to J and her OH to try to find the other nieces and nephews. Worse than that, it fell to them to sort though the man's house and do a deeper search for the will. Which they didn't find, so it is presumed there was none.
The awful part was this man had died at home, against the living room door, and lay undiscovered for a while. The house was very unpleasant to deal with therefore. The body had been removed, but that was about it. J and OH donned rubber gloves and paper suits and did their best.

I think they traced all but one of the sets of cousins.

A sad story. Not as sad for J as Daisy, as J hadn't lost someone she knew, and he was an elderly man, but still sad.
He wasn't totally alone. He went to some sort of club, it was when he hadn't turned up that a friend came to see what was wrong.

[Nanto2girls]

It can be a daunting task sorting things of a deceased person.
But,it has to be done.

[Lizzie48]

As I lost my hubby 18 years I now realise how important it is to get everything settled, my sister is the opposite, she says it will all sort itself out! Here cards are sent to family and friends informing them of the death, my list is already made, all the names and addresses upto date. A couple of years ago I purchased a "siblings folder", it is filled in with all the details that will be necessary for the boys when I go! Insurances, account details etc etc, I just hope they won't be using it for a few years!

[Plantaholic]

Very wise Lizzie48, My estate should be easy for the family to deal with, everything in labelled files. I will copy the your idea of a list of people I would like to be informed when the time comes.

[Glammanana]

Gemini such a sad story how awful having no near relatives,we have put everything our children will need in the family chest that John has had for many years it originally belonged to his dad,in it is all the details for banks/insurance/paperwork for The University as we are donating to science and the memorial service list for our Church.It also contains letters to my children and grandchildren to be opened when the time comes.

[Gemini]

Glamma, the letters are something I plan on. I must do that.

[Oma]

We have letters made out for the children , actually B made his when he was having treatment ,I followed him ,
All our documents are in a file box all labelled , I have also told my DD what I want to happen too ,
When my sister died like your sister Lizzie even though she knew she was dying organised nothing ,
She had no children , although I am the youngest sibling it was put on my shoulders
I was the one who went to all her Doctors appointments flying down to Stansted every Thursday for Friday appointments and Flying back to Newcastle on a Sunday for 18 month as she lived down south .
When she died our oldest sister 11 years older than me was useless she cant cope with stuff like illness and death , our Brother who is 9 years older than me is the type if you ignore it it will go away or sort itself ,
Sorting stuff out and clearing her home was a nightmare living so far away , that's why I wanted everything sorted and instructions left what to do
Im not as organised as some like I don't have a list of people to inform but I will now sort that ,

In light of poor Tizzy going so suddenly I think it makes you realise how short your life could be .

[Lizzie48]

Oma, what a lot to organise for you sister when she died! Some people do ignore it, a neighbour of ours did the same, we were there for him the last few weeks of his life and he hadn't got anything sorted at all, that is why my hubby did make the plans when he knew he was ill. Yes, you don't realise how short life can be!!

[Plantaholic]

I must make a list of people I would like family to inform, everything else in order.

I was at my sisters yesterday and she is a hoarder, there isn't a surface in her sittingroom and bedroom that isn't covered with items, ornaments, soft toys. I have had a couple of things from her that were my mothers but apart from a pic. of my mother she has on her wall, I am pleased it will not be left to me to sort it out.

[Gemini]

Plant my mum has so much stuff in all rooms, garage, shed and the loft! It will be down to me hopefully with the help of OH and DDs to sort all that out when the time comes.
My auntie by contrast has been getting rid of stuff for years, despite but a much cleaner lines style of person anyway.

[Daisy]

Gem - your friend J must have had a dreadful time sorting out her uncle's affairs. What a sad way for his life to have ended. At least my cousin had had a good night out and was on the way home with one of his best friends. But I would have thought after losing his wife 3 years ago he would have realised he needed to leave his affairs better organised. He's got a very large circle of friends, who have been incredibly supportive in helping to trace people, but has made it rather hard by having an address book which contains addresses - but no names! It's also not up to date by about 15 years. There's also a pone book - organised by phone number, with initials only. I'm afraid he was one of those incredibly clever people who don't see the world in quite the same way as most of us. He was an industrial chemist with a string of products to his name, including a very commonly used adhesive and a lot of building products.

We have just redone our wills but this has made us realise we must sort out our stuff (especially OH's various hobby stuff), not leave it for our sons to do.