My mum is 88, and will be 89 in a few weeks time. She lives alone in her own home, and manages pretty well day to day. She keeps it all reasonably clean, by her own standards. Poor sight due to macular degeneration, and a bit of apathy, makes it far from perfect, but not a health risk. I am no bleach babe, but I long to get in there with Marigolds, bleach and hot water! She feels all is fine and I know she would be highly offended if I offered. I very occasionally have very quick bathroom clean on the pretext of going to the loo, or in the kitchen when making a cuppa.. I can't do much though as don't want to leave a telltale clean smell!
I do all her shopping, make her appointments and take her to them, order, collect and deliver her prescriptions and talking books. We, but mainly OH, look after the garden, with the welcome help of mums neighbour who cuts both her lawns and the hedge.
So, basically she manages, with our help. I see her at least twice a week, OH maybe 2 or 3 times a month. My DDs all visit from time to time, but all are busy and two of them are working mums who live miles away, so some months she will see none of them..
Recently mum has gone out less and less. She often stayed in the car while I did her shopping, then we went for tea and cake somewhere, and some weeks she came back here for tea and part of the evening - something she did weekly until a couple of years ago. For 2 or 3 months now she has just phoned to give me her weekly shopping list, and I then buy cake and we have our tea and cake at hers when I take the shopping round. I help her put her shopping away, stay the rest of the afternoon chatting, then put her bins out for the following morning.
She just doesn't seem to want to go out. Last Sunday we hosted a family buffet lunch, everyone welcome to stay as long as they liked. The main purpose of this was to give mum a chance to see all her GDs and CGC. She seemed keen on the idea, but that morning phoned to say she wouldn't come as she had a bit of a funny tummy so wouldn't come so as not to pass it on. I know she doesn't make it up, but I also know it is a convenient excuse not to come. It is not the first time a 'funny tummy' has prevented her from doing something. She normally has no digestive problems, so it is anxiety making this happen.
A few weeks ago she went, with OH and me to DD2's for tea and to see the children which she enjoyed. We also see my sister (a 25 minute drive from mums) every 4 or 5 weeks. That is door to door and a very small bungalow with only one other resident and 2 staff. She also goes to dental and medical appointments although is dry mouthed and tense in the car, for the most routine of appointments .
I know I can't make her go out, nor should I. She is happy at home, but I feel she is missing out, especially when it involves her GGC, who she loves, especially the baby.
It also makes me a feel a bit guilty that I and often OH too, take my auntie, dads sister who is the same age as mum, out. I see her every 6 weeks, for either lunch or coffee and cake, and sometimes a little shopping too.
My aunt has no family here, and has had to be more independent I suppose, and still enjoys to go out when she gets the chance.
I know there is nothing to feel guilty about, as I would take mum out if she wanted to go!
I used to go out with mum and auntie every few weeks, but after a while mum made it clear she wasn't happy and was often downright rude to my poor auntie so now I see her without mum!
I suppose everyone is different. My aunt was always more sociable anyway, belonging to bowls and bridge clubs etc, and mum never was. All I can do is be there for her I suppose, and encourage her if she does show signs of wanting to go out.
I do all her shopping, make her appointments and take her to them, order, collect and deliver her prescriptions and talking books. We, but mainly OH, look after the garden, with the welcome help of mums neighbour who cuts both her lawns and the hedge.
So, basically she manages, with our help. I see her at least twice a week, OH maybe 2 or 3 times a month. My DDs all visit from time to time, but all are busy and two of them are working mums who live miles away, so some months she will see none of them..
Recently mum has gone out less and less. She often stayed in the car while I did her shopping, then we went for tea and cake somewhere, and some weeks she came back here for tea and part of the evening - something she did weekly until a couple of years ago. For 2 or 3 months now she has just phoned to give me her weekly shopping list, and I then buy cake and we have our tea and cake at hers when I take the shopping round. I help her put her shopping away, stay the rest of the afternoon chatting, then put her bins out for the following morning.
She just doesn't seem to want to go out. Last Sunday we hosted a family buffet lunch, everyone welcome to stay as long as they liked. The main purpose of this was to give mum a chance to see all her GDs and CGC. She seemed keen on the idea, but that morning phoned to say she wouldn't come as she had a bit of a funny tummy so wouldn't come so as not to pass it on. I know she doesn't make it up, but I also know it is a convenient excuse not to come. It is not the first time a 'funny tummy' has prevented her from doing something. She normally has no digestive problems, so it is anxiety making this happen.
A few weeks ago she went, with OH and me to DD2's for tea and to see the children which she enjoyed. We also see my sister (a 25 minute drive from mums) every 4 or 5 weeks. That is door to door and a very small bungalow with only one other resident and 2 staff. She also goes to dental and medical appointments although is dry mouthed and tense in the car, for the most routine of appointments .
I know I can't make her go out, nor should I. She is happy at home, but I feel she is missing out, especially when it involves her GGC, who she loves, especially the baby.
It also makes me a feel a bit guilty that I and often OH too, take my auntie, dads sister who is the same age as mum, out. I see her every 6 weeks, for either lunch or coffee and cake, and sometimes a little shopping too.
My aunt has no family here, and has had to be more independent I suppose, and still enjoys to go out when she gets the chance.
I know there is nothing to feel guilty about, as I would take mum out if she wanted to go!
I used to go out with mum and auntie every few weeks, but after a while mum made it clear she wasn't happy and was often downright rude to my poor auntie so now I see her without mum!
I suppose everyone is different. My aunt was always more sociable anyway, belonging to bowls and bridge clubs etc, and mum never was. All I can do is be there for her I suppose, and encourage her if she does show signs of wanting to go out.
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