Foster carers

[Gemini]

I am reading a book about a family who fostered many children I shall say more about it on the book thread once I have finished it.
It started me thinking about foster carers and what a good job most of them do.

Could you be a foster parent? Have you been one?
Although I love children and have worked with them for years, I never considered fostering.
I knew I wasn't the right person for that.
I would find it too difficult to cope with the very challenging behaviour of some of the more disturbed children, and I would find it hard to part with children I bonded with.
You have to be the right sort of person to do this I feel.

[Daisy]

Gem - it sounds as interesting book, and I look forward to hearing about it.

We had never formally considered fostering, but my DS1 had a very good friend who was in care. He came from a large family whose mother couldn't cope and thus neglected them. He'd had several failed foster placements and at the time he and DS1 became friends in was in a nearby children's home. He spent a lot of time at our house and loved being with us as a family. He was a lovely lad, larger than life, and a year older than DS. I know he would have loved it if we could have provided him with his forever home, but we were moving all over the country with OH's job and I was also concerned that it would have a detrimental effect on DS2, who would have felt very left out, and I don't think I could have coped with the level of need that he had.

The sotry has a happy ending. He did ok at school and got a job. He still works for the same organisation and has climbed the ladder to senior management. He has a lovely wife and family and we still keep in touch.

You're right, Gem, you do have to be the right sort of person, and I know I'm not.

[MillieB]

I think I am correct in thinking that teragram used to foster. It would be good to have her angle on this subject, although she doesn't post very often now.

[Plantaholic]

Yes you are right MB, Teregram did foster several children, I hope she will see this post and let us have her story

[Shemadee]

It takes a very special person or people to do a good job with this. Our neighbours fostered but she was very clear that she did it for the money. She tended to take on teenagers as it was more lucrative and I think it was very tough on her own much younger children. Quite ferocious fights would break out with the toddler sometimes caught in the middle.

One of DD2s colleagues fosters really damaged boys. They live in an isolated farm as the children are not safe around others. She does an amazing job and somehow manages to bring out the best in these boys though it takes years of patience and knock backs. She does this whilst holding down a full time job. Her husband runs the farm and they very much work together. The medals and awards should go to people like them rather than celebs who are often paid for the charity work that they do.

I would have liked to do something like this but would worry about the effect on my own children and OH was never keen. To do a good job you both need to want to do it.

[Oma]

We did for a short while then when I contracted meningitis I was very ill for quite some time and it was a long recovery so we didn't think we could again ,we instead did voluntary driving for S'S for years , we seen some sad cases I can tell you , our very first foster children were a family of 4 we were awoken one night about 2am and asked if we could manage all 4 as a emergency , these poor children arrived with just there under wear on wrapped in blankets youngest was a 6 month old baby then there was a 2 yr old 4 yr old and 5 yr old . It was supposed to be for 1 night they ended up staying 3 . they had been taken out of the family home as there father had beat there mother to a pulp and they had seen it all . Luckily they had lovely grandparents who came from Wales and took them and there mother back with them . Doesn't always work out so well though

[Libra Gran]

We considered it many, many years ago as at the same time I was a registered childminder for 15 years.But after almost reaching the end of the process, we decided it wasn't right for us. I would get too attached. My niece fosters and has for years, she ended up adopting 1 of her long term girls. And I have a friend similar age to me who has also fostered for about 25 years, mostly disabled children. She currently has 3 sisters who have been with her about 3 years now. I don't know how she does it and admire her greatly.