Jewellery - Advice Needed.

[Bizzy Lizzy]

I have some nice jewellery which came to me from my Mother. Several quite valuable items including a gold watch which my Father was given after 25 years working for the Ford Motor Company. He could have a man's or a woman's watch and he chose one for my Mother. It is now valued at £2000 not that this is relevant in the overall scheme of things. I have quite a number of other things, rings, gold pendants; I'm sure you get the idea. The problem is that I want to do a Letter of Wishes as our solicitor advised. You put it with your Will and it tells friends and family where you want personal items to go. Now I only have one female descendant and she is the daughter of my DiL obviously and you all know about that relationship. I think if she (DiL) got her hands on my Mother's jewellery it would all be on eBay the next day. I cannot bear the idea of her having it anyway whatever she chose to do with it. So what do I do. I would like it all to go to DS1 who only has a son (my new GS in NZ) and will probably never have any more children. Also this will look odd to DS2 and I don't want to hurt him either. Why should I be worried about this when I am no longer around you may ask! I know this is trivial compared to so many things other people are going through but I would really value some advice on this.

[Enfys]

I don't have much jewellery and have already given some things to my DD and DGD. I wear my favourites pieces and thought that rather than have them having around in my jewellery box the girls could have them now. My daughter didn't want to take them so I said call it a permanent loan . I will set aside something for my son and grandsons but just wanted to be sure they had certain things now. I don't want any problems later on so will write everything down, in fact that is a job to do soon.

[Oma]

I have willed mine to my DD as one is my mother's wedding ring and I know she wants that, I have said she can use her discretion as to what she gives to my GD when she's old enough .I don't want DIL having anything as I KNOW she has sold lots of our gifts and others gifts on ebay . My DD will have control of everything she is to sell all our home contents and divide the money between the 3 grandchildren any money and property she has control of and gives DS his share , we have done this as we know she will be fair and do what's right , our DS on the other hand is influenced by DIL and I,m not convinced he would do the same ,not that we have a lot but always best to put in writing isn't it , Could you not sell it now and put the money it makes in trust for them to share when the time comes

[Libra Gran]

What a dilemma for you, nothing I have will go to DIL, all my jewellery is allocated to my DD's to hand down to GD's. Morbid I know but my wedding, engagement, eternity rings are to be left on when I go up in smoke.My Mothers wedding ring is to small for both DD's hands so maybe that can be worn on a chain.We have a will and eldest DD is the executor, she also knows my wishes on my death. The house will be sold and split between all 4 children although because of long standing alienation by eldest son I'm not happy about this.But hubs is adamant everything is divided equally.

[Shemadee]

We are still wrestling with a problem left by MIL. She promised her silver bracelet to DD1 and a niece. DD1 gets upset, says give it to J*******, then bursts into tears and she never cries normally! We are meeting family before Christmas and need to resolve things somehow.

Can you leave the items to GDs when they reach a certain age?

[Bizzy Lizzy]

If I leave it to GD I have no way of knowing that she will not just give some to her Mother and I couldn't bear to think of that. I have no daughters so that's also out. Two sons one of whom is married to someone totally unsuitable to take stuff with such sentimental value to me. I treasure it because I remember my Mother wearing it and have photographs of her doing so. I am not sure I could bear to sell it now either.

[Elisi]

Is it possible to let a charity, one close to your heart, have the benefit of this jewellery in your Letter of Wishes, so they can sell it at auction and put the money into their funds BL?

[Avo]

Is it not possible to actually put you wishes in your Will for say your granddaughter to get the jewellry when she reaches 25 years of age. Maybe your Son could hold on to it (should you not be around before she is 25 or whatever age you choose) until she reaches that age, and then he could make sure she gets it at the appropriate time.

[Bizzy Lizzy]

There is still the thought Avo that she could give something to her Mother - why not if she took a fancy to something. I hadn't realised until I started this thread just how much I don't want her to get her hands on this stuff. Gosh I have surprised myself. It is not the actually value it is the fact that these personal items belonged to someone I loved very much and I cannot bear the thought of it going to someone who dislikes us both so much. Being on here has made me realise just how strongly I feel which is no help at all I suppose.

[Plantaholic]

That is a tough decision BL, I can understand how you feel. I have already given my GD's bits of my jewellery and my husband had some lovely gold watch chains and watches so I let my DD have the choice of the gold watch chains and my DIL has, on my suggestion, sold hers and had a lovely ring made. The watches I gave to my son together with a silver tankard and a silver tankard to my SIL. That only leaves me with a few bits of jewellery , my DD got married with her GM wedding ring.

[Gemini]

BL, as you feel so strongly, you need to make sure the jewellery doesnt get into that womans hands. I know you have no other female relatives, but is there anyone else unrelated that you would feel happy to leave it to?

[Daisy]

BL - I think you are quite surprised at the strength of your own feelings now you have put your thoughts in writing. If I were you I would leave the jewellery to your DS to hold for your GD until such time as he judges she is old enough/responsible enough to understand that your jewellery is for her alone and you could request that she keeps it to hand on to her own children eventually.

You've now made me think about my bits and pieces. I have very little jewellery and neither of my DILs would fight over it. I think eventually I would want both GDs to have something, but also both GSs for them to keep for someone special in their lives - a wife, daughter, whoever. Mmmmm - food for thought.

[Grauntie Mag]

I gave the DDs the Grandmas engagement rings, had all else but a couple of dress rings made into a ring which I wear.
I inherited a fob watch and chain only to be passed on to girls with the family name. Neither of my nieces want it, I never use it. It sits in a safe. Such a shame.
BL how would you feel having it all made into one piece which you wear every day? Leave it to whoever you please, it's yours after all.

[Bizzy Lizzy]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to comment and suggest ideas. Yes Daisy I have been surprised by my strength of feeling on this subject. Sometimes something is niggling away at the back of my mind and I keep ignoring it and then when I do bring it into the open I realise that it is more important than I though. I think it might be okay to leave the jewellery to DS1 whose "almost wife" I really like and trust and I know he would keep it in the family and who knows maybe his son will have a daughter and it could go down the blood line that way. DS2 who is in this country will no doubt have everything else apart from the house which will be divided. That seems fair. DS1 was eight when my Mother died but he adored her and she adored him so it seems only fitting.

[Daisy]

BL, I think you've found the answer you were searching for, and I'm sure your sons will respect your wishes. 😘