Elderly relatives

[Oma]

We were talking last night about MIL,
We were saying although we could have her here as we have downstairs loo a chair lift a wet room and a spare room,
No way on god's green earth would I have her living with me,
I would be done for murder in the first few months or I would have ran away from home.

The same with my mother , although she was a lovely mam we were so alike we would clash.

I have told my DD if I get to the stage of MIL and I'm on my own to find me a nursing home.

What would you do at that stage , would you want your family to look after you?

[Gemini]

I couldn't have lived with my mum. Everyone who knew and loved her will admit she was a very difficult person.

I think all of us hope to keep our independence as long as possible.
We all live longer these days, so the possibility of having to go into a home is something we can't ignore really.

I think a situation like Plant has is the ideal and what I would choose. Your own home and independence but family on hand if you need them.

[Lizzie48]

It is a huge problem here as they closed the homes years ago!

Just the medical care ones now, then, they have waiting lists!

[Gemini]

Lizzie there are plenty here, but the majority private and eat up your money in no time.

[Nanto2girls]

I wouldn't want to be a burden on any of our family.

Another thing i have often thought about is i wouldn't want to die first and leave hubby on his own.
In the same vein, i wouldn't want hubby to go first and leave me on my own.
Ideal situation would be for us to go together.

Sorry, for sounding morbid.

[Oma]

I agree Nanto, in an ideal world that's what I would like.

[Daisy]

My mum, who certainly wasn't easy, lived with us for many years. My OH was brilliant with her and only once got annoyed - he's very tolerant.

I wouldn't want to be a burden on my family, either. OH and I joke from time to time about who's going first. If there's one bright point in my current diagnosis it's the fact that my OH has learned to cook a few basic dishes. Otherwise he'd have a bag of peanuts for dinner if left to his own devices!

He's learned how to use the washing machine as well!!

[Oma]

Well done that man 😁
B would have been brilliant with my mother , she thought the sun shone out of his backside and any arguments we had she always said it would be my fault , she adored him.

[Plantaholic]

The age that I am at and my present needs, I did start looking at care homes. My DD said I didn’t need to do that, as I have a spare room she said I should employ someone to live with me. We shall see!

[Oma]

That's a great solution Plant , worth thinking about .

[Daisy]

Plant, I agree with Oma. Being able to stay safely in your own home is the perfect answer.

[Gemini]

I think that's a good option Plant if and when you need that. Having family close by makes it much easier too.

Someone we know was a live in carer. She lived in with the lady on alternate weeks , another carer was there the week she wasn't. So each worked full time for 7 days then had 7 off.

[Daisy]

I suppose also the degree of care needed is important. I've read of schemes where someone (younger and fitter) sort of lodges with an elderly person and helps with things like cleaning, gardening, shopping, lifts etc in return for all or part of the rent. Younger people can be lonely too, and the right partnership could work well for both of them. I'm sure getting the mix of people right may not be easy, but the potential is there.

[Plantaholic]

I think I am lucky to have the choice but not for a while yet.

[Gemini]

Quite true, good to know you have a choice if and when the time comes.