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    Family funeral

    My OH has a large and close family, so there was a great deal of sadness when his eldest sister passed away on 6 March. Her funeral was held yesterday . Both OH's sister and her husband are/were practising Anglicans and had started to attend a local church as soon as they moved down here last Autumn. They were a well-known couple in their previous community, and I was concerned about how the funeral would go and if BIL might have wished they were in their previous community.

    I needn't have worried! The church service was exactly what my sister-in-law would have wished, with beautiful music (she loved music and taught piano) and an excellent attendance. There was a very proficient choir, and part of the service was in Welsh. Ironically, the only fluent Welsh-speaker in the family was my late sister-in-law, but it was a lovely thought. Twelve close family members accompanied the hearse to the comital at the nearby crematorium, and there was a wake at a local hotel.

    Afterwards, OH's youngest brother and his wife, plus his widowed sister-in-law with her son and DIL came back to our house for tea, toasted crumpets and cake. We had chance to have a good chat and relax for a while, which was good for all of us.

    I cooked trout fillets with small potatoes and lots of veggies, with strawberries, raspberries and ice cream for dinner, and we sat up quite late, still talking. OH's brother and SIL stayed overnight and left after breakfast this morning.

    I suppose you reach an age when, as one relative said, you attend more funerals than parties but they serve a purpose, saying good bye to a loved one and bringing together family and friends.
    "Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognise how good things really are. "

    (Marianne Williamson)

    #2
    Daisy
    If a sad day can be good then that one was,
    It sounds like she was a well loved lady and you are a star for hosting family ,
    Im sure it was greatly appreciated ❤️
    Im not fat just 6ft too small

    Comment


      #3
      Certainly a well loved lady. Pleased it all went as well as can be.
      What is life if full of care we have no time to stand and stare

      Comment


        #4
        Daisy, how lovely that the funeral service went so well in their new community.
        You catered for them very well afterwards too.

        A sad occasion but as you say family and friends are bought together.
        My lovely auntie G was brought back into my life more at hers and my dads oldest sisters funeral many years ago. Before then it had been Christmas cards and that was about it. I suggested from then on that we meet up regularly and we have since.
        “A grandchild fills a space in your heart that you never knew was empty.” – Unknown

        Comment


          #5
          That was a good farewell to a very much loved person. I think a ‘good’ funeral is so important - it gives the living a chance to grieve, a chance to remember and a sense of closure. And it’s a huge consolation to the family when the wider community gather to say farewell too.

          Comment


            #6
            Sum, I agree with you. About 4 or 5 years ago a dear friend of mine died, and had requested no funeral. An email was sent out (not even sure who sent it) which my friend had clearly composed knowing that she was dying, and not actually saying something like "when you receive this email you will know ..." etc etc. So we were left wondering if she had passed away, or was there some other meaning to the email.

            Several mutual friends talked about having some kind of memorial get together in her honour, but she clearly didn't want anything like that. In the end I planted a Magnolia Stellata in her memory in our garden and gave one to another friend who was also feeling things weren't 'complete'.

            Gem, I know how much you care for your Auntie G, and building that relationship is extremely rewarding for both of you.

            Oma and Plant, yes she was well-loved. She and her husband were great hosts as well, and all the big family gatherings were at their house until they downsized about 10 years ago. When they said they were moving down here we were looking forward to being able to repay some of their hospitality as they were both getting more frail and had given up driving. We will of course continue to see BIL, but E will be very much missed.

            "Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognise how good things really are. "

            (Marianne Williamson)

            Comment


              #7
              It can be a source of comfort to have family and friends to come together to say a last goodbye.
              So pleased that it went well
              Bring me sunshine in your smile.

              Comment


                #8
                Daisy, you must have felt bereft after the death of your friend. It’s a truism that funerals are for the living and not for the dead, and while I do think that a person’s wishes should be largely respected, I’ve seen the effects of the ‘no funeral or memorial’ a few times. The relatives and friends are left feeling a mixture of distress sadness and exclusion.

                At our age we now go to more funerals that weddings or christenings and I’ve been to a fair few from a full Requiem Mass to Humanist and they have all - even though sad in many ways - been a great consolation to those left.

                The most upsetting was my dear Friend’s BiL who specified no funeral or memorial. He was angry and totally unreconciled to his terminal cancer diagnosis and took out the anger in many ways including the no funeral instructions. His wife is a practising Catholic and was devastated. M said that she went with her sister to the crem but a lot of his friends has turned up anyway and they went to he pub afterwards. That’s no way to mark the end of a life. His widow was devastated and severely upset. She’s now planning some sort of garden / bench or something else to remember him.

                In many ways I think our late Queen’s funeral (even though on a scale that was unique) was a wonderful example of a dignified, moving and appropriate way to say farewell. I hope it gave thought to anyone who thinks that no funeral is the way to go.

                On another occasion a member of my church donated her body to medical research. So - no conventional funeral, but a beautiful service remembering her and all the good work she had done over the years.

                Comment


                  #9
                  Sum1, I know there are people whose instructions for 'no funeral' are to spare expense for relatives, but even so, having no focus for grief and sadness leaves loved ones in a kind of emotional limbo. How dreadfully sad for your friend whose BiL took his anger out on his wife in such a painful way. I hope the memorial she's planning will give her focus for her grief.
                  "Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognise how good things really are. "

                  (Marianne Williamson)

                  Comment


                    #10
                    I was always for pure cremation, no funeral no service no fuss ,
                    That was my definite instructions and wishes my family knew that.

                    That was until my Brother died with COVID and we were not allowed at the funeral.
                    It was at the beginning of the lockdown and no one was allowed ,

                    Its been almost 4 years and I still don’t think of him as being dead ,
                    I still when a similar car comes into our cul-de-sac sometimes think it’s him.

                    So my mind has changed dramatically I know we all need that funeral to say our last goodbyes and closure to the end of a life now.

                    I still do not want fuss or someone standing up talking about me , or any kind of service.
                    just some family words and music so relatives have time to say goodbye .


                    Im not fat just 6ft too small

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Daisy, glad the day went well.
                      Sometimes I forget to like posts,but that doesn't mean I don't like them.

                      Comment

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