In Laws

[Gemini]

The thread on Family Gatherings has made me think one on In Laws is a good idea.

I know some of you have very close relationships with your in laws.

My OH had lost her parents before we met. She has one brother who she isn't close to. They live within a half hour drive of us but we rarely see them. Her two nieces live in London and Hertfordshire and are married with children. We see them once year at most. She has 2 cousins but I have never met them.
So those are my in laws!

I was married to my ex for over 30 years. His family all live down south. His dad died about 13 years after our marriage, and his mum when we had recently parted (although she never knew)
He has one brother. He is married and they have 3 sons, the older 2 close in age to my DD3, so we spent a fair bit of time together when our kids were growing up.

He doesn't have a lot in common with his brother, and his SIL is insufferable so he rarely see them now, although they keep in touch by phone. I don't see them at all although we still exchange Christmas cards.

One thing I have noticed around the forum is some of you describe your OH's nieces and nephews as 'My niece/nephew'
It made me wonder if that is the norm, as I have never done it.

I always say my OH's nieces and I used to say my OH's nephews. I have no nieces or nephews, sadly but I still didn't consider OH's to be mine.
Am I the only one?

[Daisy]

Gem, No, you're not the only one to ponder on whether your OH's nieces and nephews are "theirs" or "ours". I have decided OH's nieces and nephews (10 of them!) are ours. My logic (if you can call it that) is that I've always thought of aunts and uncles as just that - Auntie Mary, Uncle Fred - irrespective of whether they are blood relations or relations by marriage.

I've just realised that when I was growing up that two of my three Aunties were in fact in-laws not blood relatives. They were just "aunties" and I loved all of them for different reasons.

What's more, I love the relationship I have with several of our nieces and their OHs as well. I keep in regular touch with 6 of them (2 live near to us, 3 a couple of hundred miles away and one abroad).

[Oma]

As you know I have a delightful MIL🙄
I have A sister and 4 nieces from her ,
Also have 4 nieces and two nephews from my Brother and I love each and every one of them .
Dont see them as often as I wish but do have daily contact via family chat groups so know what they are all up too plus their families .partners and children .
My other sister never had children .

Bs side he has 2 Brothers and 2 sisters and only really sees 1 Brother Martin , I do keep in touch with his older sister because of MIL we let each other know each week what we have taken and what she needs otherwise we are not close .B can’t stand the sisters and that’s really unusual for him as he likes everyone but sadly they very much like his mother.
There are several nieces and nephews on his side that I consider mine also .
We don’t really see them unless they are at MILs when we go

[Nanto2girls]

Right,hope you are sitting down comfortably.

From my side of the family, i have a few cousins. Some i've not seen for nearly 60 years, since that family emigrated to Australia in about 1965.
The cousins, 3 boys in Australia will all be in their 60's now.
I have a cousin that lives in York, we only keep in touch via birthday and Christmas cards.
Another cousin lives about 15 minutes drive away,we only keep in touch via Christmas cards.
These 2 are sisters.
I have another boy cousin who is 10 years younger than me. No idea where he lives or know anything about him now.
An Auntie once told me i had 3 brothers,born to my mother after my parents split up. Never actually found out if it's true or not.

Hubby is the 2nd eldest of 8 children, but the eldest one died about 8 years ago.
One of his brothers has totally cut himself off from the family. Why,we don't know. He only lives a 10 minute walk away.
All of his other siblings have kids, and we always say our nieces and nephews. Some of them we don't see very often,but we all get on ok.
We do get on with all of the other nieces and nephews.

[Enfys]

The only in-laws I have now are my son in law and daughter in law. We get on very well.

[Daisy]

That's interesting. Some large families and some very small ones.

Nanto, have you ever wanted to check whether your Mum had three sons you've never met? It's so strange when someone cuts themselves off from the family like one of your OH's brothers. We have one nephew who very randomly contacts two of his girl cousins, but despite spending a lot of time with OH's eldest sister and her OH when he was a child now has nothing to do with them. We believe he's now retired - he was the eldest of his generation. I didn't realise your OH had such a large family, although I know you often see at least some of them. My FIL was one of 12.

My mum had an uncle who emigrated to Australia long before I was born, and she always wondered what happened to him. I don't know enough about him to try and trace his family.

Enfys, your family may be small but it sounds as though it's really close.

[Nanto2girls]

Daisy, i never had the urge to find out if it was true or not. I just wasn't interested.
I know a lot of people would have tried to find out.Maybe i'm strange.

[Daisy]

Nanto, no I don't think that's strange at all. I think you are very wise and grounded - you love your family and enjoy spending time with them. x

[Plantaholic]

I was on of six, 5 girls and one boy. I had lots of cousins and when my parents were alive we did keep in touch. My sister and brother died when they were 30 leaving 3 boys in total. . My eldest sister and my bil had 2 boys, they are all deceased but I am still in touch with their GD’s. My second eldest sister died when she was 30 and she had one boy, I think he lives abroad but no contact there. My next eldest sister who died recently had two boys, one died a few years ago and the other lives in Hong Kong, I have 5 nephews from my next sisters marriage and am in touch with one on FB but we only seem to meet at funerals. (Are you still with me) My only brother, died when he was 29 of kidney failure, they had two boys, I am not in contact with them. His wife married again but kept in touch with my mother.

[Nanto2girls]

Plant, how sad that some members of the family died so young.

[Lizzie48]

Thinking about this, the family here is my family, DS's and DIL's, I get on well with them both, DIL2 was divorced with 2 girls when she met DS2, the girls now have children of their own, one living with DS2 and DIL at the moment, that is another story.

In the UK I still have cousins, one, my age, got in touch with my sister and myself 4 or 5 years ago, it was her father that sexually assaulted me so I have never felt the need to keep in touch. Another cousin, she was in touch with my sister, after she died I phoned to let her know, she did go to the cremation, after that not a word. Then we have 2 cousins I haven't seen them for 0ver 55 years, I could still have cousins in Scotland, but, like my father, take it or leave it.

[Daisy]

I think families are fascinating - all different, often complex and a mixture of good and not so good.

Plant, how sad that some of your siblings died so young. Do you think things would have been different if there had been better medical treatments available then?

Lizzie, not surprising that you didn't keep in touch with the cousin who is your age after what her father did. Also strange that the other cousin who was in touch with your sister hasn't been heard from since your sister passed away.

All this discussion about families is making me feel I want to do more research into our family tree.

[Lizzie48]

Daisy, my sister and DH went out for meals etc with the cousin, my BIL hasn't heard a word from them since my sister died. Strange!

[Nanto2girls]

Well ladies,as the saying goes,you can choose your friends but not your family.