Having a baby - how things have changed

[Gemini]

I have started this thread, as we have had a lot to say about this topic on other threads, so it deserves its own!

I have had 3 babies, in 1976, 78, and 88.
I saw a big difference in the 10 years between DDs 2 and 3.
In the first 2 pregnancies you gave birth on your back, on the delivery bed. Shaving and enemas were compulsory. No one asked you if you wanted them, it was just done.
You fed your babies 4 hourly, and they were taken to a nursery at night. Fathers were allowed to be present at the birth, but I think it was still a fairly new thing, and remarked upon!

9 years and 10 months later when having DD3 a lot had changed.
You were encouraged to move about during labour, and positions other than lying down were considered. No shaving unless it was a C section, enemas optional (I opted for it. Nothing to it, and far preferable to the alternative whilst giving birth )

Babies were by our bedside 24 hours a day, and we fed them on demand.

I stayed in hospital for 9 days with my first baby, and 48 hours with the next 2. When I came home after 48 hours I rested, and did very little, letting mum and husband help, and certainly didn't go out before the midwife discharged me and baby at 10 days.

Now many mothers and babies don't even go onto the wards, but are discharged from the delivery unit a few hours after birth. Midwives make daily home visits, but I was shocked to learn that my daughter had to take her 3 day old baby to the hospital clinic for the 3 day check and weighing. This is not restful! The day before however, she, husband, my GD and baby had gone to John Lewis café! Admittedly in the car with SIL driving, but I still don't consider it resting, for such early days.
Different times.

[Plantaholic]

I think it is really too much to expect mothers of recent childbirth to travel to clinics, I don't think we care for them enough.

[Daisy]

I can imagine there's very little chance to sleep, and especially if you've delivered during the night you need that rest even more. I'm sure in 'our' day the babies were taken out of the ward at night.

[Gemini]

Daisy, DDs 1 and 2 were taken to a nursery overnight. By the time I had DD3 in 1988 things had changed and we had our babies with us all the time.

[Nana]

My DD1 had a C-section recently & she was allowed to stay two nights as our lovely baby GS was quite jaundiced. I was kept in 2wks after my first C-section & told not to do anything 'heavy' for 6mths. The new mums aren't given enough time to gain their strength before they're discharged now. My daughter did say that it wasn't restful tho' as there were babies crying all hours. I do feel for them.

[Glammanana]

I think it is totally unreasonable for a new mum to have to travel like this to a clinic for something so important but glad to read that your DDs BP was getting back to normal,when I had my three the shortest time was 3 days in hospital (DS1) I am a firm believer in new mums having as much rest as possible and have always been mortified at this culture of giving birth and going home as soon as 3 hrs after surely this is the reason many mums now are affected with "post baby" health problems than we ever heard of when we gave birth,I know it was around then but not as common as it is now I'm sure,I have seen a new mum come into the school yard when DGCs went to junior school with her new baby the day after delivery which is totally unacceptable as the poor woman had no back up care for her other children it is frightening to say the least, it ended up with DD arranging to collect her children and take them to school for 2 weeks whilst she got back on her feet.
I'm so glad you DD has had a good result Gemini you enjoy those cuddles with your new DGS I am off to see my new GGD later in the week and can't wait (must go and do a baby shop trip)

[Glammanana]

I totally agree with everything you said Gemini,I had 10days in hospital after DD was born and by the time DS was born 5 yrs later the normal stay was 3 days with DS2 I had longer in hospital as I had retained placenta and had to have emergency surgery so that stay was nearly 2 weeks but in that 2 weeks I was fully recovered and rested,if things had gone right with that delivery I would have been discharged after 48hrs which was far to early imo,I also think that relatives & friends should allow the mum to rest and bond with little one before they decend on en mass my DGS2 has made sure everyone rings before visiting now and makes sure his fiancee is fully rested before he allows any visitors it has not gone down too well with some people but I applaude his decision,it certainly is a different way to how it was years ago Gems and I agree being driven in a car does not account for resting really the body needs some serious quality time recovering imo.

[Daisy]

Looking back even further, my mother was in hospital for nearly 3 months after I was born by C-section. I think there were complications she never talked about, but I do remember her saying the first day she was home with me she got her sister-in-law to come and help with my bath, because she'd never bathed me in all that time. I think the nurses did - I'm sure I didn't go 3 months without one!! I mentioned elsewhere that my MIL had 2 weeks in a maternity home after each of her 5 children. When she did come home she rested for an hour each day for as long as she was breast feeding. No-one was allowed to interrupt this hour - it was just her and the new baby.

I was considered an 'old mother' at 29 when I had DS1 and so had to go to the local hospital, rather than the maternity home. I was in a side ward for 48 hours after a difficult forceps delivery, and in hospital for 10 days in all. The babies were brought into the ward at 6.30 - after we'd been given a cup of tea in bed. We were expected to rest most of the time, although gentle walks round the ward and corridors were also encouraged. There was a strict visiting time, and only 2 visitors at a time. This was 1972 and OHs were just starting to be present at the birth, helping with breathing, gas and air etc, but not cutting the chord! The HV made follow up visits - I can't remember for how long. The whole process was personal, caring and very supportive.

When DS2 arrived in 1975 we were living in a different part of the country and all births were in hospital. The hospital was overstretched, with no continuity of staff. There was an assumption that breast was certainly not best and you were encouraged - coerced would be a better word - to bottle feed. I remember a young mum having her second baby boy. She had been booked in for sterilisation immediately afterwards, but changed her mind after giving birth. The ward sister was insistent she had to go ahead with the sterilisation even though mum had changed her mind. Yours truly stuck her oar in and helped the very frightened young mum to say a firm 'No'. The same ward sister insisted I had to give DS2 a bottle and I refused point blank. She said my milk hadn't come in and the baby would be starving! I pointed out that 7 or 8 hours after birth you wouldn't expect milk to come in. She took DS2 out of his crib, and rammed a bottle into his little mouth. I was speechless. He took all the milk. With a triumphant look on her face she lifted him to wind him - and he sicked the contents of the bottle all over her face! She left me alone after that. Can you imagine that happening now. There would be complaints to the highest authority. The whole experience of my 2 days there was horrible. I was discharged on the Friday, and was told the community midwife would be at our house when I got home to make sure I went straight back to bed. She wasn't there. On the Monday the surgery rang to ask how I was - fine, baby fine, no problems. They had no idea I still hadn't seen the CM and were horrified. When she did arrive she started to badger me about bottle feeding. Fortunately I had a friend who was a totally different sort of midwife and she had also just had her second child, and she was a great support with breast feeding.

When DIL2 was expecting GD1 she booked into the local birthing centre. She had a beautiful water birth with just a little gas and air. She was in a single room with every facility to hand, and discharged after 2 ½ days of total rest. With GD2 she had to go to the large teaching maternity hospital much further away. She couldn't understand what anyone was saying to her. It was totally impersonal and for DIL very frightening. Luckily DS was able to stay with her the whole time, but no visitors were allowed since they had Norovirus (and it was Christmas). She came home after 2 days exhausted and in need of sleep.

For DIL1 it was different again - she ended up with an emergency C-section under a General anaesthetic. She then haemorrhaged and needed a transfusion. Although the hospital was very busy she was well cared for. I think she was in for 5 or 6 days. GS2, 17 months later was born in the same hospital, with some of the same staff there, and he was born by planned C-section. DS was there for the birth, and DIL was home in a couple of days, although she could have stayed longer.

From our family experiences, it seems the amount of support, care and rest a new mum gets is just the luck of the draw. It shouldn't be down to luck - every mum needs the best start for her new baby.

[Plantaholic]

When I had my DD, it was a home birth and the nurse sat with me all night, she attended me every day and found a lady to help me as I had DS under 2. I thought my DD was discharged too early but I was there and saw she had rest.

[Gemini]

Daisy, what a nasty experience you had with your midwife. All credit to you that you stuck to your guns and breastfed your baby.
When DD2 had baby T this week, they had a single room with bathroom , on the delivery ward, and she and SIL got a few hours sleep there between the birth and being discharged at 6.30.
Very much the luck of the draw it seems. Not only which hospital you have a baby in, but what time and which staff you meet, all effect the experience.

[Avo]

My DIL also had to take her baby to the Maternity Unit for his 3 day check, but that was because it was the weekend and the Community Midwife doesn't do them at the weekend.

When I had my first in 1981 I stayed in 3 days. It was a very modern unit in Cambridge with carpeted floors and very state of the art. 2 years later I just stayed overnight (in the same unit).

An amusing story that happened last week to DIL when she took her new baby to register him at the local GP Surgery, receptionist was typing his information into her computer and obviously not using her brain ......'have you a utility bill or bank statement in his name' DOH! DIL response 'he is 3 weeks old, what do you think!'

[Oma]

When Josh was born DD stayed in 8 hours as it was her first and on the way home they called into Sainsburys for shopping , I was furious with her , mind you this was the same person that at 37 weeks was climbing hills and styles on a ramble . She may be tiny but tough as old boots . When DIL had the youngest two it was just a overnight stay with both of them , when she had Sophia ,Oliver stayed the night with his other grand parents who took him to see his baby sister then we brought him home with us so they had a couple of days with baby to get settled in . In our day it was so different wasn't it . I suppose we must move with the times but sometimes new ideas are not necessarily good

[Libra Gran]

My first,3rd and 4th were born in hospital, but number 3 in a type of nursing home set up very regimented. We all had to sit in a circle to feed our babies. I was also warned if I didn't eat the meal provided I wouldn't be allowed home, very Draconian looking back on it. Having number 4 in 1980 was so different no shave, no enema, baby stayed with you 24/7 but I was home 20 hours later,but was confined to bed for 4 days. With the first 3 it was stay in for 5 days. Eldest DD had 2 ceasarians one emergency and she stayed in 7 days as she had a build up of fluid which could of put her life at risk of it had reached her brain apparently, she was on an observation ward for 3 days on her own. 2nd was a planned ceasaraion. DD 2 had a long labour and extensive repair surgery after M and a shorter but still traumatic delivery with T and yet more stitches but not on the epic scale of M. Still home after 48 hours though. I always felt so sorry for my Daughters as I had a 10 hour labour with my first,2 hours with 2nd, 3/4 hour the 3rd and 12 hours with my last.But never had a stitch. DD 2 did feel she wasn't supported well with breast feeding as each different nurse gave her conflicting advise, but she carried on and fed both for 9 months. Eldest DD struggled and went to the bottle.

[Daisy]

Daisy, what a nasty experience you had with your midwife. All credit to you that you stuck to your guns and breastfed your baby.

Gem, I was very determined to breast feed after not being able to feed DS1, but I couldn't have survived the onslaught of the Bottle Or Else Brigade without my lovely midwife friend. Sadly we both moved and lost touch with each other.

[Nanto2girls]

I can remember when new mothers weren't allowed out of bed for 10 days after giving birth.
Both of ours were born at home, so the only experience I have of hospital births, is other peoples.
Our eldest was born in 1969, after a labour of 2½ hours. My midwife was lovely and she brought a trainee midwife with her. I remember the enema (a 2 pint jug of soapy water and a pipe) sorry if that's too much information. He was born at 3.40 AM, and when the midwife came back later that morning, she said my blood pressure was up, and the only reason she let me walk to the bedroom, was because it was next door to the bathroom. I did stay in bed that first day,but I was up and about the next day.
Our youngest was born in 1972, and things were very much the same as first time round, except the enema came in a little sachet. I was up and about after a couple of hours.
I know things are very different now, with new mums being allowed home shortly after giving birth.

[Shemadee]

When I was a teenager a Scandinavian girl, who had married a local lad, gave birth in the morning and was out mowing her lawn the same afternoon. You can just imagine the furore that caused amongst the local matrons!!

[Daisy]

Shem, I hope it wasn't one of those old-fashioned push mowers. Having a baby is enough pushing for one day.

[Gemini]

Good grief Daisy, it certainly is!!