This is about our 92 year old neighbour. She’s the stubbornist woman in the world but we’ve lived next door for 45 years and love her dearly. She has dreadful arthritis and is very stout (she weighs 17 stone and I’m six and a half). She fell off a ladder in January trying to put the Christmas decorations away … last month she fell trying put a plug into a gap too narrow for her and it took three strong neighbours to get her back on her feet, but she refuses to ask for help despite knowing lots of neighbours are willing to do anything. She says ‘While I can do it, I shall’ which I sympathise with, but she won’t accept that there’s lots she can’t do any more.
Anyway, on Friday OH got shopping for her and after five knocks and no response I let myself in. I found her in the garden - temperature 31°C attempting to fill rubbish bags with garden waste, after attempting to peg out washing. She looked awful.
I insisted she go indoors and while T pegged her washing out I got her indoors and settled on the sofa with a large glass of water. She didn’t want anything, wasn’t hungry so we left. Yesterday morning I let myself in to find her on the sofa. She’d been there all night - couldn’t get upstairs, hadn’t undressed or washed and looked dreadful. So I phoned good son. She has two, one is good, the other lazy and disengaged. Turns out he’d driven up the last evening to take her to the Dr who ‘had bundled them out of the door’ and ordered blood tests. She hadn’t told me. He said he’d phone but I said I didn’t think she’d get through the night on her own. It was his 60th birthday and Sarah had arranged a party. Anyway, he did contact his brother and then he then phoned to say bad brother and his Mrs were driving up.
When they arrived I spoke to (bad son’s Mrs) who said she had phoned in the morning and said there was a bed all ready and they would collect her. She had refused. This was at about 2.00 pm. At about 4pm I went back to see how she was, and J churchwarden from the church down the road called in to see her. He said ‘Why aren’t you going back with son and his Mrs? She said she didn’t like to bother them. And J said ‘so you’d rather bother the neighbours.’ And at that point she agreed to go. Huge relief as I’m sure she wouldn’t have lasted tonight in her own , she looked awful. Good son says he will ring her back to get her to her next Dr’s appointment and stay over. I honestly think she’s declining fast but is as stubborn as ever. Still, we have a result thanks to J.
So, she stayed at Bad son’s that night and good son collected her and brought her back to the Dr’s for blood tests. She looks very poorly and fortunately he’s staying with her for the moment. He’s just retired and his Mrs still works and has to look after the dog.
The reality is that she needs social care but adamantly refuses to accepts anyone coming in. So, I imagine that there will either be another crisis and she hasn’t long to live, or, the Dr gets her sorted and the whole cycle starts again.
Our street is super helpful, but there’s only so much neighbours can do and she’s totally resistant to accepting help. Son says she got enough money to pay for a cleaner and a carer to come in every day but she won’t.
Frustrating isn’t in it.
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