‘Old age ain’t for cissies’

[Sum1Ls]

Which is what our American friends say.

Since lockdown two of our closest friends’ husbands have had serious health issues. One has dementia which has come on very swiftly - not helped by lockdown we think, and the other has a degenerative condition which has worsened inexorably and makes him angry and difficult. Yet another close friend‘s niece has had surgery which has left her paralysed from the waist down and three dear friends have died of covid.

We have been mercifully spared of health issues but I seem to spend my time listening to so much grief and doing my best to be supportive that I feel emotionally exhausted and then feel guilty because we’ve been spared. So much grief and pain amongst this community here too.

I’m sure this situation is replicated in so many communities and so many much worse off with mental heath problems and serious money worries too.

It makes one wonder what the future holds and how we shall cope with the inevitable challenges.

Sorry to be gloomy, but after a two hour phone call, it’s really got to me.

[Daisy]

Sum1 - I agree. There seems to be so much pain and loss at the moment. Sometimes it leaves you feeling drained. I'm sure you gave vital support to the person on the phone, something that can make a huge difference whatever they are going through.

My OH's older brother has recently been diagnosed with vascular dementia. He's also deteriorated very quickly and is currently in hospital, and it's so hard to know what to say to my lovely sister-in-law.

I keep coming back to the mantra "one day at a time".

[Enfys]

I couldn’t agree more. So much has happened it’s hard to comprehend how our lives have changed. I cope by not looking too far ahead and literally taking one day at a time. I’m a natural worrier and this is the only way I can cope. I can’t bear to think what the world might be like for our grandchildren and their children, but I imagine our grandparents thought the same.


edited: Just this minute heard from my friend who I mentioned quite a while ago who was having major surgery on cancer which had spread . It was a very difficult op and everyone kindly kept her in their thoughts and wished her well. She came through that ok and has had quite a few good months during which time her son and his partner had their first child so she is now a granny. Very sadly they have now discovered it has spread again into her womb and she is awaiting more surgery, so very sad, she is still only in her fifties, I feel so upset for her and I really don’t know what to say to her. There are no words.

[Daisy]

Enfys, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. It must be a dreadful worry, knowing that the cancer has spread and she is facing more surgery. I'm sure she will have drawn strength from the good months she's had since her last operation, especially becoming a granny. I think you can do nothing better than to continue being her friend and letting her talk if she wants to. Just knowing you are there for her will help, and she will know that you understand because of P being poorly for so long. Sending hugs to you. xxx

[Daisy]

I realise I seem to have contradicted myself by saying I don't know what to say to my SIL, and then said to Enfys that her friend will know that she understands what she's going through. My dear SIL is very conscious that OH and I have our own worries with DS1's health and is very anxious not to add to them. She feels she should be giving us support, not the other way round. So I'm very conscious of that when we speak to each other. Every situation is different.

[Nanto2girls]

So sad to read about your families and friends with health worries.

[Gemini]

Such sad stories.
Growing older, and our friends growing older, IS hard.
All we can do is stay as upbeat as we can, try to take care of our own health, and support others when we can.
I'm a born worrier, and a friend has only to disappear from the forum for day for me to text them, scared something has happened.
I try to keep this under control and not worry or get down, but as you say Sum1lse, there is so much around us to make us feel this way.

By the way, never feel guilty that you have been spared! No right thinking person no matter what they have been through wishes anything but happiness and good health for others.
Personally Sum1 I find your vitality and long interesting walks most inspiring!

[Oma]

I wonder If because we are now the older generation and with the Covid lockdown we are now noticing things more ?

It was like when B was diagnosed with Cancer we noticed how many Cancer adverts were on TV , up till then we hadn't really taken notice of them ,
Also as we get older more people we know are ill or dying .

Its very sad Sum 1 but I agree with Gem , don't feel guilty because you are well , I hope you stay well for many years , with all your lovely walks Im sure you will .

Enfys life doesn't seem fair at times does it poor lady xx

Daisy Im sure your lovely SIL values you just listening to her and being at the end of a phone xxx

[Gemini]

Oma, I switch the TV over at yet another Cancer ad I'm afraid. I know they are there for a reason, but for the millions of us living with it, we would rather not hear that word EVERY DAY!

[Plantaholic]

I can truly sympathise, we have had five deaths in our road in the last 18months or so. I am sure my friend would still be here but for Covid.

[Enfys]

Gem, I can understand how you feel. P always used to say, not again, whenever one of “those” ads were shown, or even a storyline in a tv programme.

[Grauntie Mag]

Sum1 please don’t feel guilty. You have obviously been a rock for people to cling to, and we all need one of those.

I can tell you the cancer ads on tv and radio are getting right up my nose too right now! I am sometimes on very shaky ground and they don’t help one tiny bit, but then I have support by the bucket load from family and friends, others don’t.
They need your listening ear and kind words. Those two hours on the telephone probably did more than you can know.

[Oma]

As I said we didn't notice till B got it but boy those adverts were in your face , especially the one where the man falls to his knees in the tunnel and the nurse is behind him .
I found it distressing to watch .
I know they are there to make people aware but its everything and everywhere

[Gemini]

It's far too much in my honest opinion Oma. It's difficult to put things behind you and get on with your life when cancer is mentioned so much. We record most programmes and still seem to be exposed to plenty, so it must be much more for those who watch their TV live.

[WeeGranny]

It's when they say if you've got these symptoms speak to your GP. Have any of those ad makers actually tried talking to a GP?