Thoughts for 2021

[Daisy]

We have all just been through the strangest year of our lives. Whatever has happened to us in our own lives has been against the background of the Coronavirus pandemic.

Let's record our thoughts about the events of 2020 as they affected each of us, and perhaps what our hopes are for 2012.

[Enfys]

My thoughts on 2020.......the worst year of my life! Says it all really. Wish I could feel optimistic about 2021, hopefully things will improve but I think it will take a long time.

This is me...in a dark place at the moment.

[Gemini]

Sending much love and sympathy Enfys.

I will gather my thoughts on this one Daisy.

[Daisy]

January 2020 brought us a diagnosis that OH has COPD (Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease). In a way it was a relief to get the diagnosis and to know that symptoms could be eased by twice-daily use of an inhaler. We had no sooner got into that new routine than rumours and news started to trickle into the media about an unidentified virus somewhere in China. Well, that wouldn't affect us, would it. We planned several trips in our caravan and sat back to wait for the weather to improve and the campsites to open.

The weather improved, but it very quickly become clear - we were going nowhere! Coronavirus and lockdown arrived. Our last outing of the year (in March) was a visit behind the scenes to our local theatre. How we laughed at self-consciously bumping elbows with our friends!!

The spring weather was beautiful. Day after day of warm sunshine. The daily news bulletins seemed to go on for ever though, and I stopped watching the News channels. We entered a surreal world of silence. No aircraft, no traffic on the roads - our world shrunk and shrunk until it could shrink no further.

Gardening became my great frustration. I missed the boat for getting seeds and bedding plants etc, and was frustrated that my greenhouse could have been bursting with life and colour, but wasn't. It was a small price for staying safe from the pandemic that raged around us.

The Thursday clap for carers became the social gig of the week, as we stood in the street, applauding the incredible work of the medical services. We started to take a glass of wine out with us and stood chatting to neighbours we had hardly known before lockdown. Online groups formed in our cul de sac, our road and our village. All of us desperate to help each other and to make sense of this strange new life.

I spent several weeks looking at a blank canvas, wanting to paint but with no idea what to do. Then I found a video of a lady in America painting on the beach. I followed her tutorial and found my happy place! Every afternoon I sat and painted, sometimes in the summerhouse, others in the garden. For the first time in my life I had no responsibilities, I just relaxed and painted and let the world spin on around me.

Summer brought some easing of restrictions and in August we travelled to my DS1's and joined our DIL's family for some birthday celebrations. Unexpectedly and shockingly we were back there the following day because our DS1 had suffered a stroke and was in hospital. How much more surreal could this year get! Well, sadly worse was to follow when in October DS1 was diagnosed with an aggressive, inoperable brain tumour.

The rest of the world ceased to exist for us as we started to come to terms with a new reality. So 2021 begins. DS1 will complete 6 gruelling weeks of radiotherapy combined with chemo on the 6th January. My waking hours are a constant prayer for him, combined with the positivity which we hope supports him, his wife and sons. It will be 4-6 weeks before we know if the treatment has made a difference, and several months before we know the full results.

So we start this New Year with hope that the vaccines will protect us all from Covid, and that we can count our dear son's future in years rather than months.

Come on, 2021, be kind to all of us.

[Daisy]

Enfys - yes, it couldn't have been worse for you and others who have lost their beloved husbands, and in Oma's case, her brother. My heart goes out to you all, and I really hope those dark places will start to be punctuated by some lightness, and that memories of happier days will comfort you. Sending hugs. xxx

[Gemini]

Sending love Daisy. Your bravery, in carrying on for all of us despite all that has and is going on, cant be underestimated xxx

[Daisy]

Gem, thank you. I have to go on - there is no other option. GMB4 isn't going to defeat our family. I also am comforted by the kindness of our GRU friends - you're a wonderful bunch, and I shall always be grateful to have you as friends. xx

[Oma]

Daisy life carries on and you find the strength to cope day by day you have no other choice ,
You find a fortitude you never believed you had ,
I will always remember the Specialist nurse saying to me when B was diagnosed , This will become part of your daily life .
I looked at her and thought she was mad , She was so right it does become a part and you carry on ,

This last year has been a none starter really hasn't it ,
We looked forward to summer days and freedom to go out and enjoy our days , then this thing reared its ugly head and we all thought it wont last we will be ok ,
But it did last and no we were not ok ,

April for us came and my Brothers Birthday , a happy day sending cards calling him but unable to see him only by videos , never dreaming that 3 short weeks later he would be gone and our hearts would be ripped out ,
Not being able to see him to say goodbye or attend a funeral , not being able to hug his children or my one remaining sister was and still is dreadful .

No Birthday or anniversary celebrations for anyone this year , our 40th came and went with little ceremony as it was the day after my brothers death , I was still in shock and cried all day .
Then the days weeks and months just blended into one , we sat in our gardens had someone else deliver our shopping , didn't see family no hugging or kissing , very hard for a hugging kissing family , watched endless news reports and didn't know what day it was , we didn't need to know it made no difference we couldn't go anywhere ,
We joked we only knew it was Tuesday because the bin man came

Then restrictions were lifted but we were still to scared to go anywhere , We have ventured out to a few shops but at ungodly hours of the morning when no one is out and about . Then restrictions were put in again and again and we do as we are told to stay safe .

We hang on to the hope that with the Vaccine 2021 at some point will give us hope for the future and i believe it will
So dig your heels in Ladies dont let the B****r get you we are strong and we will get there xxxx

[Plantaholic]

Reading your accounts of 2020 and the beastly virus makes me realise how lucky I have been. Of course we have had restricted time with the family and friends but as my DD was looking after the GGC once a week I was able to see them too. The anticipation of a new arrival in Jan. keeps us looking forward. Like you Daisy I found it easier to bear in the summer having the garden to look after. My walking isn't good so have missed my bowls and aqua to keep my joints oiled. None of my family members have lost their jobs and have been able to work from home and I can't believe I am looking forward to have a needle jabbed into my arm.

No time is the right time to loose a loved one like Clover, Enfys and Oma's brother but 2020 has been a cruel year, not being able to say a proper goodbye.

[Clover]

As for everyone it’s been an unbelievable year for me. Losing my darling Gerald was the worst thing to happen but the thing that cuts me in two is not being able to have seen him for three weeks ( after spending six hours a day ,every day with him.) and not being with him at the end. The family tell me that I couldn’t have done anything about it andI know they are right but the thought still brings me to tears.

Dear Daisy you are so positive. An inspiration.

Oma and Enfys my thoughts are with you as I know what you are going through.

On a less serious note I’ve missed not going out and browsing round the shops ,obviously missing my family and being on my own.

I just pray we all stay safe and the light at the end of the tunnel begins to shine a little brighter.

Love to you all xx

[Mimi]

Its been a dreadful year for us as a family.
The horror of discovering that you don't really know your eldest son is ... Well words can't even begin to describe the hollow , horror of the emotions that creep up on me several times a day .
Even though its almost 12 months since we discovered that he had been arrested and the fall out from that I know for certain that things will never go back to the happy family unit we had.

Then covid came and threw up so many challenges mentally for us and in amongst all this my childhood horror has come to torment me . Memories I felt for certain I had well and truly filed away never to be relieved. Just watching Eastenders last night was dreadful.


My heart goes out to Enfys Clover and Oma Losing your loved one is so hard, but last year was made doubly difficult because of hospital visiting and then tragically attending a funeral with limited family and friends allowed.

Let's hope this vaccine is soon available to one and all and we can start to rebuild our lives .

Sending love to you all

[Daisy]

Mimi and Clover - I've discovered that hell comes in many guises. Sending you both love and strength to cope.

Mimi - I find there is very little I can watch on tv. I was never an avid viewer but there is so much real pain I don't need the fictional sort adding to it. I'm so sorry old memories have returned to plague you though and hope you can soon banish them again. xx

Clover - I can't imagine the pain of not seeing Gerald for the last 3 weeks of his life, and not being with him at the end. I hope time heals that particular wound for you and is overtaken by happy memories of all your years together. xx

Plant - You are blessed with your lovely GGCs, but you, too have been through dreadful times when you lost J. I'm glad this year has been better for you than it might have been. I hope all your family stays safe and well. xx

Oma - you are an ongoing inspiration. You kept B strong through thick and thin, and found reasons to laugh - a true gift. xx

[Gemini]

So many of us here have been through so much, as well as the pandemic and it's consequences.
The losses, family health issues, and anxiety have taken their toll on everyone.
That we are all still here, functioning and supporting each other is something to be proud of in itself.

I haven't been through half of what some of our members have. I consider myself lucky that all my family are alive and well as 2021 begins. We have lost one friend this year, which was not covid related. As we all have, I have shared in the great sadnesses of our members here.

Everyone in the family has stayed in work including DD2 and SIL who own their own business.
From the end of Lockdown 1 I have been able to see my grandchildren regularly as I am their regular caregiver. Everything would have been so much harder were this not the case.

The worst thing for our family in 2020 has been my mum becoming ill during Lockdown 1 and going into a care home. We expected to see her again within a few weeks, but in fact it was several months, and then briefly outside a few times. She broke her hip, caught Covid and has been unable to have any indoor visitors yet. A very tough time for her and her family.
The positives are that from going in with very little expectation of recovery, not only did she recover, she seems to have shaken off a broken hip and Covid easily!!
I hope we will be able to visit properly before too long.


I have been very anxious this year about my own health, mum's happiness, and my families safety. The pandemic seems to have brought a lot of people's anxieties to the fore. I don't talk about it apart from to OH and my DDs, sometimes, and I try to keep lid on it all, but it all keeps popping up.

Our longed for family holiday to Florida went when the pandemic came. Then we moved it to this April, then to next, fingers crossed.
DD3's June wedding couldn't take place. They had a small ceremony in October but the family and friends celebration is still on hold. Their 3rd attempt at honeymoon was to be next week. Along with the first two it has had to be cancelled.


I have greatly missed seeing friends, not least the GRU ladies I spend a lovely weekend with each year. I miss hugging my daughters, especially, and close friends too. I don't miss shopping, online is fine for me. I greatly miss theatre and live performance of all kinds, eating out with friends and I miss being able to go anywhere without the worry and fear of crowds and infection.

Some sort of normal life will return this year. Keep strong ladies xx

[Oma]

One good thing for me was i had my Operation and feel so much better for it but then developed frozen shoulder so not so good on that front
Gem that's what I miss , seeing friends going out for Breakfast on a Sunday morning with D&J
Not been able to meet my gorgeous G Nephew he is almost 11 month now , I get regular photos and videos but he doesn't know me yet , that's sad for me

[Gemini]

Oma, imagine grandparents with new babies born in lockdown 1 when we couldn't see anyone. It must have been awful mustn't it?