New Year 2020 - Story Challenge

[Daisy]

Christmas is virtually over, we're probably all getting fed up with cold turkey, so time to look ahead.

What will the new decade bring? Let your imaginations run free in a short story around the theme of a new year, a new decade, and change (welcome or unwelcome!)

[Gemini]

Good idea Daisy

And the Christmas Story Challenge is still running until 12th night, if anyone has another Christmas Story coming

[Gemini]

Being car-less is giving me some extra time this coming week, so I intend to get down to this Daisy

[Daisy]

Gem - that will be brilliant.

I've got a story floating round in my head and I'll get it typed up this week, too.

Any one else? Please have a go - once you start it's surprising how the story builds itself.

[Daisy]

I got a bit stuck with this one, so any suggestions or criticism is welcome.


THE EMPTY NEST

Rhona put the phone down, thoughtfully. Monica definitely wasn’t herself - as sisters they were very close, despite the fifteen year age gap, and she knew something was wrong.

She was glad Monica had suggested meeting up for a coffee at their favourite cafe in their small town. It was one of those places where the atmosphere felt like a warm hug, with a huge log fire in the winter, pretty, mismatched bone china, friendly table service and irresistible home-made cakes.

“Tony, I’m just going out for a bit. I’m meeting Monica for a coffee at the Cafe on the Corner. See you later!”

Tony laughed. “Much later I bet. When you two get together there’s no stopping you talking.”

“Megan’s taken the dog out for a walk, and she said she’d make lunch when she got back, so you won’t starve.” Their 17 year old daughter was at catering college and keen to practise newfound skills on her long-suffering family, although they both thought most of what she cooked was delicious and worthy of a five star restaurant. They also accepted they might be a bit prejudiced.

Either way, Rhona’s husband was assured of a good lunch.

Monica was already sitting at their favourite table when Rhona arrived. They loved this little cafe, situated on the corner of the market square with one window looking over the square to the Gothic-style town hall on the other side, and the other window looking down Marine Drive with glimpses of the sea beyond.

Most tables were occupied, and there was a lively buzz of chatter. The Christmas decorations had been replaced with early Spring flowers, and Rhona caught the delicate scent of the primroses and snowdrops from the little posy on their table as she sat opposite her big sister.

The Cafe on the Corner was the brain child and baby of Hetty, who cooked all the cakes and light lunches fresh every day in the kitchen, and Marian who was front of house and made sure all their guests were looked after by her two-woman team of waitresses. When she saw Rhona arrive she headed over and greeted them like the old friends they had become over the years. “What can I get you, today, Big Sis and Little Sis?”

“Pot of coffee for two and two toasted teacakes, please” they both chorused.

Over the years Monica and Rhona had been coming to the cafe an easy friendship had grown between them and Marian and Hetty. They enquired about each other’s family, commented on how quickly Christmas had sped by, and made the usual comments on the weather. Small conversations that help so much to oil the wheels of society. Marian smiled, “Of course”, she said, “What else would you have on a chilly Wednesday morning!”

As she bustled away to the kitchen, Rhona commented that Marian looked a bit pale, but Monica hadn’t noticed, so she dismissed it as her imagination.

She turned her attention more fully to her big sister. The Big Sis/Little Sis was a bit of a joke because Little Sis might have been 15 years younger, but was a good six inches taller than Monica.

But Rhona was not going to be sidetracked. “Sis, I know something’s wrong so are you going to tell me or do I have to prize information out of you bit by bit?”

Monica stirred her coffee far more thoroughly than a sugarless black coffee required before answering.

“I don’t know, Rho. I feel like I’ve got no purpose in life, nothing to look forward to. I feel empty and everything looks black.”

Rhona bit back the teasing retort that popped into her head about needing a new handbag. This was more serious than she’d imagined.

“How long have you been feeling like this - you haven’t said anything before?”

“Months, I suppose. I just thought the feelings would go away if I carried on as usual.”

“How many months are we talking about, Sis?”

“Not really sure - it kind of crept up on me … since the summer, I suppose. After we came back from Lanzarote in July.”

Rhona looked into Monica’s sad, tired eyes. “She’s looking old”, Rhona thought with a pang. She did the maths quickly - Monica would be 69 in March. She’d had her daughter Michelle young - barely 20 in fact, and Michelle’s twins were in their first year at uni - one in Durham and the other in Bristol.

“Does Michelle know how you’re feeling, or Barry?” Barry, Monica’s husband was a jovial, larger than life character guaranteed to cheery up the glummest person. But this was more than merely feeling a bit blue, Rhona could tell.

“No, I haven’t said anything because it sounds so silly. I’ve got everything to be happy about, but I’m not. Everything is so quiet. Barry’s out playing golf every day he can, Michelle’s busy with her job, and now the twins are at uni they don’t drop in after school, or text me for lifts home, or badger me to give them a lift somewhere ….” Monica sighed. “What’s the point of anything!”

Rhona smiled sympathetically.

“Sis, I think you’ve got a major case of Empty-Nest-Syndrome.”

“Don’t be silly, Rho. Michelle left home donkeys years ago, and Toby’s been in Canada for over 20 years. I got over that feeling years ago. We go and see him, Casey and the kids every couple of years, which is fine. I know they’ll never move back here.”

“Look, Sis, you’ve been helping look after the twins since the day they came home from hospital. They’ve been in and out of your house nearly every day since then. It’s just like losing your own kids when they flew the nest, only you’re older now and things hit you harder.”

Monica looked up sharply from the careful inspection of her half-empty coffee cup.

“Is that what you really think, Rho?”

“Yes, you idiot - it’s obvious. Your second clutch of babies have flown the nest. You’ve got nobody to look after, run round after, bake muffins with, do homework with. I don’t suppose it’s any easier second time round than it was the first.”

Monica gazed out of the window, thinking. Could that be what it was? Her second clutch of fledglings had flown to pastures new - she wasn’t needed any more.

Just then, Marian returned.

“Monica, can I have a word with you, please?” Monica nodded wordlessly, and Marian pulled over a chair and sat down.

“It’s a long shot, but I was wondering if there’s any chance you’d be interested in taking over my share of the cafe. Don’t say anything yet, let me explain. It’s a long story and I’ll fill you in later, but my family circumstances have changed and I’ll have to give up my day-to-day work in the cafe for the foreseeable future. It breaks my heart, because as you know we’ve worked so hard to get it to this stage. But if you were interested in taking over my role it would make the wrench so much easier for me, knowing it was in such good hands.”

Marian glanced anxiously from Monica to Rhona and back to Monica as she struggled to control her tears.

“Will ….. will you think about it ….. please, Monica? I know it’s a lot to ask, but you are the right person and Hetty would love working with you. Please?”

Monica and Rhona both burst out laughing.

“Big Sis, I think you’ve just filled your empty nest”, grinned Rhona.

Monica turned to Marian, “Yes, yes, a million times yes. I’d love to come and work here and look after your beautiful cafe until you can pick up the reins again. In fact, I can’t think of anything I’d rather do right now.”

Suddenly, Monica found her new purpose in her life. All the customers of the Cafe on the Corner would be her new chicks in her new nest.

[Plantaholic]

I am the last person to be a critic Daisy, I am hopeless at constructing a story but perhaps the story has too much conversation. Just a thought.

[Gemini]

Daisy I love your writing. It always grabs my interest from the start.
This was no different
The cafe opportunity came at the right time for Monica!

I have had some wakeful nights recently due to an ibs flare up (abating now thank goodness) One night during a wakeful spell I thought of a plot for a new year story and even names. In the morning it was gone!!

[Daisy]

Plant - thank you. I really do like to hear people's views, and it hadn't occurred to me that this story is mostly dialogue. I'm going to have a look at how I could have told the same story differently.

Gem - thank you. You're very kind. I'm sorry you've been suffering a flare up. It's even worse that your story disappeared with the morning light. Funnily enough, I came up with a very short story last night -beginning, middle, end all in about 500 words, and I now can't remember it! I hope both our stories reappear.

[Oma]

I loved it , as usual I want it to last longer

[Daisy]

Aww, Oma, you're very kind.

[Daisy]

I am the last person to be a critic Daisy, I am hopeless at constructing a story but perhaps the story has too much conversation. Just a thought.

Plant - I am so glad you said about the amount of dialogue. I've had a go at rewriting it with that in mind. It's been a really interesting exercise and I found I had to adapt the story in places. I don't know whether it reads better or worse, or is basically the same, but I enjoyed having to think how to be more descriptive. So here it is

THE EMPTY NEST, VERSION 2

Monica gazed out of the window, looking at nothing in particular, lost in her thoughts. It was a chilly but sunny day which should have lifted her spirits, but it didn’t. She felt listless, with no energy and no enthusiasm, despite knowing she was going to meet her dear sister Rhona in a few minutes. Rhona had suggested a quick trip to their favourite Cafe on the Corner for a coffee and a chat.

The Cafe on the Corner was just that - a traditional cafe serving home-made cakes and delicious lunches. She knew there would be a huge log fire burning in the old-fashioned Victorian grate, and bone china would be mis-matched and Marian, one of the owners would be on hand to welcome them. They loved the window tables best with views towards the beach in one direction and to the busy market square in the other.

Monica arrived first and managed to secure a table looking towards the beach. Rhona arrived within a few minutes, breathless and hurried as usual. Monica, fifteen years Rhona’s senior smiled and hugged her little sister as she sat down. Their usual order arrived in double quick time as the faint scent of the little posies of early Spring flowers gave way to the aroma of their coffee, and their huge toasted teacakes oozing with butter.

Monica and Rhona had developed an easy friendship with the owners of the cafe, Marian and Hetty. Hetty preferred to remain in her kitchen, organising and orchestrating all the delicious goodies while Marian made sure all their customers were served with a friendly smile. Today Marian was a little quieter than usual, and looked rather tired. Rhona wondered if she was over-doing things or sickening for a cold, but Monica hadn’t noticed so she dismissed the idea as her imagination.

Monica stirred her sugarless black coffee far more thoroughly than necessary, deep in thought.

Rhona knew her Big Sis so well, and wanted to know what was wrong. She’s looking old, Rhona thought to herself. She quickly did the maths - Monica would be 69 in March. She’d had her daughter Michelle young - barely 20 in fact, and Michelle’s twins were in their first year at uni - one in Durham and the other in Bristol. Her son Toby had emigrated to Canada over 20 years ago. Monica and Barry visited every couple of years to see him, his wife Casey and their two young sons.

Monica sighed, and finally putting her teaspoon down, gazed over at Rhona and sighed again in response to Rhona’s meaningful look and raised eyebrows.

“I don’t know Rho - I feel like I’ve got no purpose in life, nothing to look forward to. I feel empty and everything looks black.”

Rhona bit back the teasing retort that popped into her head about needing a new handbag. This was more serous than she’d imagined. Monica hadn’t said anything before, so Rhona wondered how long things had been this bad. When she thought back she was able to pinpoint the late summer, after Monica and her husband, Barry got back from Lanzarote in July.

“Tell me, please,” she said gently to Monica.

Taking a sip of her well-stirred coffee Monica paused before explaining that she felt her life was as good as over. The twins had been semi-permanent fixtures at her house, often bringing their friends with them knowing that all would be welcomed. Now it was text messages and the occasional FaceTime. Toby’s sons were growing up thousands of miles away - far too far away for her to be involved in their daily lives.

“It sounds silly,”Monica started slowly stirring her coffee again, “I’ve got everything to be happy about, but I’m not. Everything is so quiet. Barry’s out playing golf every day he can, Michelle’s busy with her job, and now the twins ….” Monica’s voice tailed off and she sighed. “What’s the point of anything!”

Rhona smiled sympathetically.

“Sis, I think you’ve got a major case of Empty-Nest-Syndrome.”

Putting her cup down, and tracing the flowery pattern with her forefinger, Monica looked at her.

“Don’t be silly, Rho. Michelle left home ages ago, and Toby’s been in Canada for over 20 years. I got over that feeling years ago. We go and see him, Casey and the kids every couple of years, which is fine. I know they’ll never move back here.”

Rhona gently smiled again. She tapped Monica’s phone which was on the table - her home screen was a picture of the twins the day they came home from hospital. Rhona raised her eyebrows quizzically. Slowly Monica smiled and nodded. Yes, she could see what Rho meant. She’d been helping to look after the twins all theirs lives. It was just like the feeling she’d had when first Michelle and then Toby had left home, but now twenty-odd years on, it was hitting her harder. Her second clutch of fledglings had flown to pastures new - she wasn’t needed any more.

Just then, Marian returned, quietly asking Monica if she could have a word with her. Monica nodded wordlessly and Marian pulled over a chair and sat down, clearly troubled about something.

Monica finally stopped fiddling with her coffee cup. “What’s the matter, Marian, you look worried?”

Marian hesitated and then her words came pouring out in a rush. She needed someone to take over her role in running the cafe for the foreseeable future. Her family circumstances had changed making it impossible for her to carry on and, heart-broken though she was, she would feel much happier if Monica could step into her shoes, and Hetty felt the same.

Marian glanced anxiously from Monica to Rhone, struggling to hold back her tears.

“Will …. will you think about it … please, Monica” I know it’s a lot to ask but you are the right person and Hetty would love working with you. Please?”

Monica and Rhona both burst out laughing.

“Sis, I think you’ve just filled your empty nest”, grinned Rhona.

Monica turned to Marian, “Yes, yes, a million times yes. I’d love to come and work here and look after your beautiful cafe until you can pick up the reins again. In fact, I can’t think of anything I’d rather do right now.”

Suddenly, Monica found her new purpose in her life. All the customers of the Cafe on the Corner would be her new chicks in her new nest.

[Plantaholic]

Well done Daisy, the story was great before but even better now, says a person who has never written a story in her life.

[Daisy]

Aww, Plant - thank you for taking the time to read it a second time. You're very kind. You always hear of 'proper' writers doing rewrites of their stories, but I've never even thought of doing it before, and it was interesting. They say everyone's got a book in them, so why not have a go - I know you love reading/audio books.