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Cousins dynamics

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    Cousins dynamics

    As many of you know I have three grandchildren. A girl of 11, her little brother just 5, and another boy, their cousin aged 8. GD and GS1 will be 12 and 9 in October.

    When her little cousin was born, two weeks after her 3rd birthday GD couldn't have been more pleased. She has been gentle caring and patient with him from day one. He adored her, she was pretty much his favourite person!
    When GS2 came along. GD who had wanted a sibling since she was tiny, was besotted. Their cousin GS1 was delighted too and thought the baby very cute. He was quite jealous of his own mummy holding the baby though!

    Time has gone on and they get on so well as a threesome. I love spending time with them all. They all suffered from being parted in the first lockdown, especially GS1. I often got all three together here, under the rules of childcare, just to let them be together.

    The change in dynamics in the group over the years has been interesting to see. As soon as he was old enough to walk GS1 would follow GD around and want to be with her all the time. She loved him too, and for years that worked well. At one point it was tricky for GD at social occasions when GS1 wanted her but she wanted to be with friends her age or older. Somehow with adult assistance it worked out.
    History repeated itself, with GS2 adoring his cousin and wanting to be with him all the time! (this is still the case) GS1 loved him and was good with him, but never as patient as GD had been with him. He would complain that GS2 was following him and wanting to be with him! I often reminded him that he was just the same with GD and that she hadn't moaned much about him!
    The boys played well together when younger, then came a time GS1 really didn't want his cousin and only tolerated him. When all three were here I would be GS2's 'friend' whilst the other two did things together.


    Now at 8 and 5 the boys have great (noisy!) fun together
    Anyway now there is a lovely balance. GS1 adores GD still, but accepts a girl on the brink of puberty has different interests to a little boy of 8, and sometimes needs to do things alone. They do a lot together though. GS1 is in the lucky position of having a cousin above and below him. He can play being dinosaurs and boisterous noisy games with GS2, then later be doing some computer coding with GD.
    They work well as a threesome, both older children include and make allowances for the youngest cousin, and praise him when he does well.

    I'm glad my GC have their local cousins. GD and GS2 have one other cousin in Greece, and GS1 has cousins in France and Ely. I have many cousins (over 20) but the nearest in age who lived locally was a boy 7 years older than me so I never had what my GC have.
    The relationship is lovely to witness
    “A grandchild fills a space in your heart that you never knew was empty.” – Unknown

    #2
    Fascinating relationships Gemini, we are lucky to seer our GC grow up.
    What is life if full of care we have no time to stand and stare

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      #3
      Gem - I find the "cousin" relationship fascinating - both with my GCs and for myself.

      It's great that your three, although time has seen natural expected changes in their interests and friendships, have basically stayed a loving and harmonious threesome.

      I was a little apprehensive on Monday when our 4 GCs (aged nearly 18 to 7) were together after a long break due to Covid. Thankfully, they were all delighted to see each other and did things as a foursome as well as twosomes. The twosomes switched and changed depending what they were doing.

      Neither sets of ourGCs have much other cousin contact. The girls have three cousins they see about once a year for half a day, and the boys have two younger female cousins they see more often, but don't have the same connections with somehow.

      I hope, Gem your groups of cousins and mine both keep those special relationships with each other - it's lovely.
      "Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognise how good things really are. "

      (Marianne Williamson)

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        #4
        I am so pleased that my 6 GC are quite close, GD1 and GS3 have always had a special bond, GS1 is very close to GS4 (they are both into bikes) and GS1 and GS3 have the same jobs with the same company. GD2 and GS2 both live in. London. It is the youngest GD2 who keeps us all in order.
        What is life if full of care we have no time to stand and stare

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          #5
          My GC have no cousins on either side, DIL2 was divorced with 2 girls but they are both much older and both due to become mothers in the next few months.

          With having my fathers family in Scotland we hardly ever got to see the cousins up there, in fact there were a few I have never met at all, I did have cousins in the area from my mothers side of the family but I can't say we were ever close, my youngest brother was very close to one cousin, they were the same age, I can remember them both coming here to visit us, not long after that the cousin got leukaemia and died shortly afterwards.

          Comment


            #6
            How sad Nan2
            “A grandchild fills a space in your heart that you never knew was empty.” – Unknown

            Comment


              #7
              Originally posted by Gemini View Post
              How sad Nan2
              I think you may have meant Lizzie.

              I have a cousin who is my age and we keep in touch with birthday/Christmas cards.
              Gem, you might know the area where she lives. Its Kelfield.

              Another cousin that we just send Christmas cards to each other.
              Also have some younger cousins,but don't know where they live.
              More cousins in Australia who are younger than me.
              Sometimes I forget to like posts,but that doesn't mean I don't like them.

              Comment


                #8
                Sorry Nan2, yes I meant Lizzie.
                “A grandchild fills a space in your heart that you never knew was empty.” – Unknown

                Comment


                  #9
                  I find it quite fascinating that people can have cousins they may never of met, or even don't know about.

                  My OH has one cousin on his mum's side and they were close as children - we still keep in touch, but haven't seen them for years. His father was one of 12 so there must be a fair number of cousins on his side, but I think OH only knows one of them vaguely. I think some are in Canada and the rest are in mid-Wales.

                  I had no cousins on my mother's side and only two - a brother and sister - on my dad's. We lived next door but one to each other when we were little and always kept in touch, even if we didn't see each other often.
                  "Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognise how good things really are. "

                  (Marianne Williamson)

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Daisy I have 10 cousins on my mum's side. All older than me. I have met them all.
                    On my dad's side I have 11. 4 I have never met and one I met for the first and only time at my oldest auntie's funeral a few years ago.

                    Two girl cousins on my dad;s side. around my age lived near Nottingham. We often stayed with them and I loved that and wished we lived closer. My local cousins were much older and the female ones all married with children when I was a child, in fact I played with their children sometimes!

                    My lovely auntie's son and I have formed a friendship since he moved back here, which is nice.
                    “A grandchild fills a space in your heart that you never knew was empty.” – Unknown

                    Comment


                      #11
                      I am not sure if I have any surviving cousins, we lost touch years ago. I had four, 3 boys and one girl.
                      What is life if full of care we have no time to stand and stare

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Plant - it's funny how life seems to interrupt family relationships like this, isn't it.

                        Gem - how lovely that your special auntie's son and you have become friends now they are closer.

                        "Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognise how good things really are. "

                        (Marianne Williamson)

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                          #13
                          I had a cousin in Scotland, we did keep in touch over the years, I visited him a few times, he lived near the coast in Longniddry, he died a year or two before my hubby died, we did go up to Scotland for the cremation.

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                            #14
                            My three DDs have 3 male cousins (brothers)
                            They were too young to play with DDs 1 and 2, but DD3 had great fun with them. Unfortunately they lived in Hertfordshire so they only met up two or three times a year, but she did enjoy having cousins close to her age.
                            “A grandchild fills a space in your heart that you never knew was empty.” – Unknown

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Gem - I suppose the relative age is critical with children - it doesn't matter when you're grown up. My girl cousin was 5 years older than me, and my boy cousin 5 years younger, but living next door but one meant we saw each other all the time. The family who lived in between us had a much older son, a daughter the same age as my girl cousin and a son my age. We're still close friends and when we met up after many years of not seeing each other we just picked up where we left off - they feel like family as well. In fact we're hoping they'll come and stay with us this summer, Covid permitting.

                              "Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognise how good things really are. "

                              (Marianne Williamson)

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