Advice to new Grannies

[Daisy]

This was prompted by Gem's comment about joining this forum's predecessor when her daughter was 7 weeks pregnant with her eldest grand child.

Were you delighted about your first grand child, or worried, or wondered how the new mum and dad would cope? Did you help with baby preparations - decorating, choosing equipment etc. Did you go with the new mum-to-be to any antenatal appointments?

Do you think it makes a difference whether mum-to-be is your daughter or your daughter-in-law?

How old was the new arrival when you first saw him or her?

What advice would you give to a first-time gran now with the benefit of hindsight?

[Gemini]

I was as delighted as delighted could be!!
I was 55 and ready to be Grandma. I knew DD and SIL wanted children, as even in his wedding speech SIL commented that it was going to be useful that both us mums worked in childcare! GD arrived 10 months later and made me a Grandma.
When she was born SIL phoned me then sent a photo. I slept with my phone right beside me and kept looking at that photo.
I saw her a few hours later. She was perfect ( and is still)
I only have daughters so can't really comment on the differences between a DD and DIL. From my own experience as a mum though, I would always have preferred to have my mum with me rather than my MIL. My mum never questioned my parenting skills whereas my MIL would to an extent.

My only advice would be remember it is not your child, and never interfere or criticise the parents to the child.
Oh and, as with our own children, make the most of every moment. It goes too fast!

[Oma]

I was 48 and my DD was almost 32 when she gave birth to our wonderful first GS 16 years ago today ,
He was 30 minutes old when we got to see him as we waited at the hospital while she had him ,
I remember it as though it was today i walked into the room and saw this mini me of my Sil , it was uncanny how much he looked like his Daddy
He changed as he grew to look like my DD but now i think he has a good mix of the two ,
I have never felt prouder and my DD was and still is a fantastic mother never once did i question her mothering skills she was a natural ,

My second GS was about 2 hours old when we saw him i felt just as proud although i think it isnt the same when its a DIL giving birth naturally her parents seen GS2 first , didnt stop us loving him just as much and as you all know how long i looked after him from 4 weeks old ,

GD was about 2 hours old when i seen her , we were away for a few days when we were told she was on her way , so we dashed home to be there , it was our wedding Anniversary

DIL wasnt a natural and although i wasnt keen on some of her mothering skills it wasnt for me to say , and both children thrived so nothing major ,
The first few month were hard when GS2 was born i often got phone calls at 1am ,Mam he wont stop crying is he ok
Yes Babies cry for no reason is he dry fed and warm , the amount of times we have gone down at silly hours got him off to sleep and then come home or brought him home with us so they could sleep hahaha
sadly we were not allowed so much interaction with GD as you all know but we still love her just as much despite DIL trying to stop that.

I may not have approved of DILs ways but it wasnt my baby and not my place to say anything i left that to her mother to deal with At 12 and 7 they are beautiful children

[Glammanana]

I have been fortunate to have been at the births of all my DDs babies being able to actually deliver Abigail myself as she arrived when the midwife had gone out of the room it was the most amazing experience.
When DIL had Willow she had a list of which order relatives could visit she has always decided who can visit and when.
I have never interfered in how they brought up the children and kept my thoughts to myself but they have all done well in their child rearing ways.

[Daisy]

Strangely, I'd never thought about the possibility of becoming a grandmother. Then one Christmas Day DS1 and his new girlfriend wandered into the kitchen and casually mentioned they'd moved in together (which I'd suspected) and by the way, they were 12 weeks pregnant. I do wish I hadn't been holding a very large and very hot roasted turkey at the time!!! But apart from that I was delighted - surprised, but delighted.

DIL was very good about involving me in her pregnancy and tactfully asked me lots of questions which I'm sure she already knew the answers to.

We were at the hospital when GS1 was delivered by emergency C-section and DIL haemorrhaged very badly. The maternity unit was incredibly busy that evening, and GS1 was pushed in his cot into the room where we were waiting. The midwife said "Here's your baby, P" and disappeared. We all stood shellshocked and looked at this brand new baby. He was bawling his head off. DIL's mum was distraught. I noticed the blue tag on the cot and said to P "I think you've got a little boy. Pick him up and give him a cuddle." So I think advice to a first-time Gran would be 'don't have any preconceived idea of what will happen and when you will be able to see mum and baby.'

I think it does make a difference whether it's your daughter or your son. I certainly felt with all 4 grandchildren that I should let DILs' mums have first cuddle. I don't know if they felt that too, but my view was always that there will be plenty of time in years to come.

Both my DILs are very good mothers, in very different ways, and the only advice I've ever given, unasked, was to DIL1. I said if anyone offers you any help, say yes! She's highly organised, independent and a bit of a whirlwind and I could see her wearing herself out trying to be 'perfect'.

[Oma]

I remember as a 16 yr old Mother , my mother saying im hear to help but this is your baby and you have to learn as you go ,
Luckily DD was a lovely baby no bother at all , DS on the other hand was a nightmare but a angel for my mother he would settle no bother ,
My mother said he could sense the tension in me and she was right , if i got upset so did he , she was a wise woman and only gave opinions if asked but always on hand to help

[Nanto2girls]

Couldn't wait to be a granny. Both GD's were a couple of hours old when we first saw them.
Never interfere between a mum and new baby. I couldn't fault DIL (now ex dil) in the way she cared for them.

[Plantaholic]

I have 6 GC, 4GSs and 2 GDs. My first GS (the father of my 2 GGC) was born when I was 52, followed by another GS 2 1/2 years later. 3 years later my GD1 was added to their family, followed by an unexpected GD2.

My DS and Dil were desperate for a family and 21 years ago their first son was born, followed by another son 2 years later.

My DD didn't work so didn't need child care but Dil returned to work so I was involved with childcare.

I was not present at the hospital for any of the births but saw them shortly after. GD2 was not an easy birth so we moved the other 3 children to our house so that Sil could be with my DD. so I didn't see GD2 until she was a few days old. GS4 was born when we were on holiday in France, he came early, so we didn't see him for a week.

[Daisy]

Plant - your ever-growing family always seems very close and happy. I think you must be an expert Grandma, and now Great-grandma!


I'd forgotten - we weren't able to see GD2 until she came home from hospital. It was just after Christmas and the hospital was in lockdown with Norovirus - no visitors allowed, except baby's daddy.

[Fairyqueen]

I was soooo excited when my daughter told us about first baby. They gave me a picture of scan at 12 weeks and I was totally joyous and happy. When she was born my sil sent me a picture and I stayed awake just looking at her. The same when she told me about her second baby. Soooo happy. I only have one daughter as I could never have another due to endometriosis and several miscarriages. I am half full. I never thought I’d have her and I have a wonderful sil so I’m very lucky. Advice to new Grans? Be there for them and don’t interfere. I think I agree with other grans that usually daughters prefer their own mum with their own children. My daughters mil is good to her, and my grandchildren have an excellent relationship with their other nana, but any problems or babysitting she comes to me.

[Daisy]

Fairyqueen, it sounds as though you have a wonderful relationship with your daughter and her family. That's the thing that really counts, isn't it.

[Daisy]

Just bumping up this thread in case there are any more memories you'd like to share, in the hope that Nanabouttime enjoys reading about our early experiences as grandparents and great-grandparents.


Nanabouttime, is your first grandchild your son or daughter's? Do they live close to you?

[Mimi]

For some reason I was completely shocked by the news that DIL was pregnant, not because I disapproved but because she didn't show any signs, no sickness, being tired etc .
Now DD was completely different. I suppose it might have been that she lives away and I don't see her as often as I see DIL but I knew DD was pregnant as soon as I saw her.

DD and SIL kept the news of the pregnancy to themselves until they had their first scan. which was a few l weeks from when I saw her .

I wasn't present at any of the births but I did get to see two eldest GC when they were less than 20 mins old but as DD lives away I didn't see two youngest GC until they were a few days old

A lovely gesture by two sets of parents, oldest GS's middle name is in memory of my dad . GD middle name is in memory of my sister who died at the age of 16 in 1968 . In fact GD was born 19 years ago on the exact same date.

Dad had one first name and one middle name and DD and SIL did the most wonderful thing of taking dad's names but reversed them , the second one becoming the first name and the first name becoming the second name

As for advice to give new grandparents, I'm not sure I have anything useful to add, except to enjoy every single minute of it because in a flash they will be all grown up . Just savour that little moment when you are babysitting and they are snuggled up to you, fast asleep from a day of doing silly grandparent things like jumping in puddles , walking like a dinosaur through Cardiff shopping centre. ( Yes, did that , it was GS's idea and naturally you have to go along with it) and making a den in the kitchen with the aid of a table and an old bed sheet 😀