Is it all too much?

[Daisy]

As most of you know, my GD1 is just 5 and in Year 1 at school. She's a hard-working little girl who always does her best and her efforts show in the progress she's making. She's thoughtful and generally a very sweet child (I know .... I'm Grandma, and I'm biased!)

Yesterday I was looking after GD2 at their house and my OH brought her home from school (which she was delighted about because she loves her G/dad). OH stayed for a cup of tea and GD1 wanted a programme on tv which wasn't showing just then, but was recorded on Planner. So I suggested she watched Paw Patrol with her little sister because I needed a quick chat with OH. Well, you'd have thought I'd suggested she threw all her toys away - she went into a total meltdown. She was rude to both of us, screamed, stamped her foot, frightening her sister into tears as well, so I suggested she went to her bedroom to relax for a few minutes and calm down and she refused point blank. I turned the tv off completely. After OH had left she continued 'sobbing' and saying how much I'd upset her for about half an hour. By this time I was in bits, she was so upset. All I wanted to do was cuddle her and make her feel better, but while that would have helped me, I don't think in the long run it was the best way to deal with the situation. Eventually, still crying, she said she was sorry and we kissed and made up. This isn't an unusual one-off. Nearly every afternoon she's exhausted and 'on the edge'.

Now, I still don't know if I handled it really badly or not, but what I did realise is that since half-term she is coming home from school every day, totally wiped out. Then I look at the programme of 'events' on at school, and every week there are two or three events that are exciting at the time, mostly in preparation for Christmas, but I believe they are building up and up and the children are overloaded, over-excited and too much is demanded of them. It seems they don't have time to be children - they have to achieve, achieve, achieve. Everything from decorating the whole school, to the Christmas Fair, the Nativity Play, etc, etc is crammed in with the usual schedule of 'home learning' (whatever it's called, it's still homework) and children like GD1 are trying to live up to all the pressures they are put under. She's 5, for goodness' sake. She shouldn't be worrying about making perfect paper chains, or getting all the words right in the Nativity Play as well as being an 'independent learner'!!!

What do you think? Am I being overprotective!

[Oma]

No I don't Daisy I was saying much the same last night they have so much to achieve they don't have time to play , I really don't like little ones getting homework or having to finish something at a set time , we were 5 when we started school still babies now at 5 they are expected to be mini students , They are telling parents to get there children outside to play as much as possible but on the other hand give them a hour or so homework . We see it with Josh and he's 11 by Friday he's wiped out so poor little mite at 5 it must be so frustrating ,she's tired out but not sure what is happening to her

[Gemini]

Daisy, I wonder if something happened at school? This reminds me a little of when my DD2 once really 'lost it' throwing around her perfectly nice shoes, shouting that she hated them. It transpired that she was being bullied by some girls in her class. I went in and saw headteacher and class teacher, who were great and there was no recurrence of the bullying. This may not be the case with your GD at all, Daisy, but it reminded me of that incident because like with your GD it was very much out of character.

This time in the autumn term is tiring for little ones. End of term tiredness, plus the excitement of Christmas and the plays, concerts etc. I disagree with homework for children of this age. I don't think you are being overprotective at all, just a caring Grandma seeing her little one overwhelmed!

[Daisy]

Gem - there have been some problems with her 'best friend' who is quite assertive and the teacher has now separated them in class. But, thank you, it's a good point - I'll mention it to Mummy.

[Sum1Ls]

Daisy you are quite correct. After a career in education as a head and as a teacher trainer, I despair of what is happening in schools today. My own five year old grandson is under so much pressure and is totally exhausted to the point where I had to feed him his tea this evening. I could weep with frustration about it all, it goes completely against everything I've always believed in early childhood education.

I'm not a vindictive person but I would happily consign Gove et al to the salt mines

[Shemadee]

Is it likely that she is hungry? We were having problems after school with GS2 (7) but found by feeding him as soon as he got in he has been much calmer and better behaved.

Also worth asking about the possibility of bullying in the playground? Verbal bullying is every bit as distressing as physical bullying.

[Daisy]

Sum1 - how awful that your GS1 is too tired to eat. Sometimes my GD1 seems as though she hasn't got the energy to pick up her fork as well. Their childhood is being stolen from them. GD is going through a phase of waking up in the night and being too frightened to get out of bed to go into her parents' room. So she calls for her mum or dad, and wakes her little sister as well. I'm sure she's over-anxious and under too much pressure.

[Enfys]

They shouldn't be under any pressure at all at such a young age. School should be fun not stressful, I hope all this isn't storing up problems for the future. I'm with you Sum1 re Gove et al!

[Plantaholic]

Reading your posts, I am feeling cross and sad that children today are being put under such pressure, these are five year olds for goodness sake. I think homework shouldn't be given to such young children. It is a long time since my 6 grandchildren were that age but I feel they were not under such pressure. Perhaps as GM's we should start an action group for young children should be given back their little lives.

[Bizzy Lizzy]

Daisy you are quite right, before Christmas (usually a long time before) all the preparation for the play begins along with all the other preparations that get them both overexcited and exhausted. My GD comes her on a Thursday totally exhausted and will just lie on the sofa not even bothering to play on her tablet or watch TV. She just collapses and tends to groan from time to time is a somewhat (in my opinion) melodramatic way. But I can see that she is genuinely tired out. Last week they had spent the afternoon participating in a pantomime - nothing to do with the play that she is rehearsing for every day it seems. This constant pre-Christmas hype does them no good and they are still expected to do homework as well.

[Libra Gran]

Daisy I agree with you, they are under a lot of pressure at such a tender age. I swear T's meltdowns are due to being exhausted.

[Elisi]

DD was here today Daisy and I told her about this thread. YES, she shouted, IT IS ALL TOO MUCH !!!!

The other day GD1 panicked as she had forgotten to do her homework. DD just said., oh well dear, worry not! My reply was that they don't exactly whip them these days for not doing homework!

There are about 9 events between now and end of term to complete. One is to go to school tomorrow in Christmas gear! DD was adamant she was not going to buy jumpers which will only be worn once. So tonight she has to figure out how to make two sets of clothes for a 9 year old and a 3.5 year old to look "Christmasey" Being a parent these days is not as straightforward as it once was I fear.

[Daisy]

Is it likely that she is hungry? We were having problems after school with GS2 (7) but found by feeding him as soon as he got in he has been much calmer and better behaved.

Also worth asking about the possibility of bullying in the playground? Verbal bullying is every bit as distressing as physical bullying.

Shem - the bullying issue is a point well made. Her mum and dad have asked that the staff keep an eye on her 'best friend' and we've noticed now that she is making friends with other children as well. We're hoping the 'friendship' will die a natural death. We had wondered if she was hungry - and sometimes she is, so whoever picks her up takes along a healthy snack she can eat immediately, and then she has another snack when she gets home. But she has a packed lunch and most days eats all of it. She had been getting a lot of tummy aches and (without being graphic) the consequences, but we've recently found out that she's probably gluten-sensitive (her dad is, too) and since she's stopped eating gluten her tummy aches have stopped.

She sometimes has to walk quite a way after school. There's very little parking so she often has to walk back to her parents' shop (about half a mile) to pick up the car, I think at the end of a long day that's often an added drain on her. But, for goodness sake we used to walk home from school and go out to play. I think it's wrong that they are under so much pressure at such an early age (or any age, really).

It seems as though it's not just my GD - they all seem to being hothoused. There must be a better way!

[Shemadee]

I can remember DD1 sitting cross legged on the floor watching Crackerjack and slowly falling to the side. She just fell fast asleep where she was sitting. It was near the end of her first term at school.

She did get upset in her first few days as it was a mixed class and she thought she would be expected to be able to read straight away. Over thinking!

[Daisy]

Shem, I can remember my DS1 starting school soon after his 4th birthday. They didn't finish until 3.30, and by the time we'd walked home he was shattered. He fell asleep in front of the tv several times - but that was only in the first few weeks. After that he was fine, but they weren't under the same pressures that children are today. Like Enfys says, they must be storing up trouble for later - health problems, anxiety issues, aggression, withdrawal, school phobia - how can we tell!!! Plant's idea is a good one! Give childhood back to our children!