Do You Ever Just Say No?

[Bizzy Lizzy]

We had the grandchildren on a sleepover last weekend and when they left I sat in the armchair for a moment and fell into a sound sleep. I was shattered. I don't sleep too well when they are here overnight for some reason so this compounds the problem. Well the next day an email from DS2 asking if we can have the kids whilst he and DiL and her Sister and BiL go to Bruges for a long day on a Saturday in mid December. Both DH and I feel that we do not want to do this, one reason being that they do not know what time they will be home and we will be sitting up (they come to our house) with them until who knows what time and we feel DiL's parents should take a turn. The main reason for not wanting to be involved however is the current situation in Belgium with Brussels being less than an hour away from Bruges. I feel a Christmas market visited by hundreds of tourists would be a prime target. Why take the chance? I am bracing myself to say no to this request but have always been cooperative before. One friend suggested I make up a lie to get out of it but I don't want to do that. I just wondered if any other grans have been brave enough to Just Say No.

[Oma]

I'm afraid I'm a one who insists I'm going to say no then text ok instead , we are our own worse enemy's at times , good luck with that 😀

[Gemini]

So far I have only said no when I couldn't help, as in having other plans which couldn't be changed.
To be fair, neither of my DDs who are mums ask too much of me, so it hasn't applied. As I get older, and when I have more GC, there may come a time when I have to, especially if my OHS health condition changes. I'm aware of this so like to say yes while I can.

You should bite the bullet and say no on this occasion BL.

I do think generally, from what I read here and hear from grannies I know in my own circle, generally we all find it hard to say no, even if we want to

[WeeGranny]

Say no and explain your reasons especially the after effects of looking after the children. There are also plenty of Christmas markets in this country which would mean less travel etc. Have had to say no on very few occasions, but we've always had a good reason. While there is probably very little chance of anything happening, I feel its very silly to take a risk like that. I certainly wouldn't go!!

[Mimi]

If anyone knows how to say the word NO I would love to know.
We had the two eldest GC last weekend and this weekend we have got out youngest GS. Now I love them to bits but sometimes we are invited to the same 'dos' as DS and DIL and its always assumed that we are more than happy to have the GC so that DS and DIL can attend .
A little bit of thought and consideration would be wonderful.

[Gemini]

When waiting for my GD to come out of school yesterday I chatted to two ladies who looked older than me, obviously Grandmas. They had each come to collect a child. I looked around the playground, and there were many Grandmas and a couple of Grandads. Most of us are probably happy to help, but I overheard a conversation between 2 Grandmas when I walked into the playground, which was basically about how they felt put upon, and 'too old for this'.
So, yes saying no is hard!

[aggie]

I had to say no and had to clamp my lips over the "yes " that wanted to come out , felt so bad , but came to my senses . I explained to my DS and all was well , they made other arrangements

[ZIZI]

I have said no on occasion, I think with us both working full time there are times when we are just in need of a quiet time. If husband is working a late I will usually ask them to make alternative arrangements as I find it very tiring having them all without back up (as it were) especially if he is going on to an early shift in the morning. To be fair they know that when I say no it is for a good reason and we have never had any unpleasantness or anything.

[Libra Gran]

I find it hard to say no to anything at work or childcare, wish occasionally I could find the courage.

[Qwerty]

OH lordy no isn't in my vocabulary I am unable to allow myself this luxury we had different g/c between Friday and Tuesday last week , next week we have twins 2 dys running as parents both have important meetings I am the only grandma there is no one to swap about with, I just think it's just for a few yrs but the old knees are not happy, with one baby on the floor it's not easy but with two I am never off the floor. It's a brave grandma that says no and I take my hat off to that person

[Shemadee]

Perhaps saying that you need to check if you can do it - to give you a bit of thinking time? I've only said no when I was doing something else. I do usually get asked well in advance. I do have friends who started their family late and are now in their mid-70s and expected to provide childcare several times a week. One even does all the washing and ironing and makes lunch for her SIL quite regularly. I think he must have a bone in his leg!!

[Qwerty]

I have to say if I genuinely had other plans I wouldn't change them to babysit I am sure they wouldn't expect that I hope!

[Grauntie Mag]

I'm another yes person, I even cancel stuff if it's not too important. If I did say no I'm sure they would find alternative arrangements though.

[Bizzy Lizzy]

Reading all your interesting posts it would seem that most of us grandparents have a big problem with the N word however we feel. I love having the children but sometimes feel a bit used particularly as DS2 very rarely visits and DiL avoids us as much as she can. Also we do get very tired as GD is so very demanding and such hard work. On the other hand we would have our GS every day of the week as he is so easy to look after. However, when babysitting is needed we are the first to be asked and they seem reluctant to ask her parents with whom she has a much closer relationship. I think they, unlike us, DO manage to say no somehow.

[Daisy]

I find it hard to say 'no' as well. I have been known to change my arrangements to cover a lat minute emergency. To be fair to DS2 and DIL, this is always work connected and as they are self-employed they can't afford to miss out on work. We live far enough away from DS1 and family for them not to ask in an emergency - but of course we look after the boys when necessary. We don't feel either set of parents puts on us. But as we get older I'm finding it harder to bounce back from a long day or a sleepover. It's still hard to say 'no' though.

I'm having the GDs on Saturday because their mum and dad have to work all day, and as it's the town Christmas Fair and they'd like to go, I've asked if one of the other GPs would like to come and give me a hand. (OH has long-standing commitment so can't help).

But BL - I really understand how you feel - I wouldn't want my family to be making that trip at the moment. It seems unnecessarily risky. Have they looked at it from that point of view? I'm sure they will say you are worrying needlessly, but when you think all those poor people in Paris a couple of weeks ago thought they were going out for a relaxing evening of fun and entertainment .....